Awkward!

My mom and I were talking this morning on my ride to work, and she started telling me about this story she watched on "Good Morning America". Then she proceeded to tell me the cancer is spread via oral sex, and I should read the story. Whoa. Whoa! WHOA! My mom used the words "oral" and "sex" in a conversation with me. I should read the story! WOW. I know that I'm an adult, but my mom and I have never talked about anything in relation to sex or me dating. I did tell her once that I got back together with an old boyfriend, and her response was, "Why? Are you bored?" Haha nice one, Mom!

Not a whole lot else is going on, other than a very frustrating job. It's really been weighing me down lately. One thing that I could say about Old Job was that, while I hated what I was doing, I loved the people. I really really did, and I still do. I get to see those guys a lot, and I'm always happy to see them. Some mornings when I walk from my parking garage to the office I'll see an Old Coworker, and it always seems to start my morning off right. I don't know what it is right now, but even the coworkers at Current Job are driving me crazy. I made the comment today that I expect to get shit on by the client. I think that's actually a line item in my job description. But when it's your coworkers doing it too, that's not a good thing. I know that part of my problem is I need to learn to stand up for myself. Part of me just so desperately wants to avoid confrontation that I internalize a lot of my frustration, and then I'm the one that suffers. Or should I say suffers even more because I'm already frustrated to start. I think I don't handle confrontation well. Hell, I know I don't. When I get angry, I cry. No, I'm not upset, I'm that angry that it's either me crying or exploding into a little storm of hellfire and brimstone. Just thinking about work tomorrow makes me feel sick to my stomach.

I feel like it's little, insignificant things that are bothering me, but they're not so little when they start piling up. Right now I feel like I have the weight of the world on my back. Lately I come home and it hurts so much to put my arms straight out in front of me is all I can handle. To raise them up hurts. I don't know what else to do, other than hire a Swedish masseuse named Hans and have him waiting for me when I get home. Right in the middle of the back between the shoulder blades, yep Hans, that's the spot!