Nice Day?

Did everyone have a nice Thanksgiving yesterday? Honestly, I didn't. It was weird. Part of it is just me being off - I still don't feel like my normal self yet. I get so tired after barely doing any activity. The other part was actually spending Thanksgiving day with my family; this is the first time in 4 years I've done that. The last 3 Thanksgiving I've spent with GravyDave. I've always had to work the day after Thanksgiving, so I just stayed in town to be with my him, and then I'd go to Mom's on the weekend. This year I felt like I was on lockdown. We did the food thing, I hung out with my best friend Jackie, and then I was at a loss on what else to do. No way in hell was I going out shopping today. Screw that, there's nothing I wanted that bad (except maybe an Xbox, but whatever I still wasn't getting up). Usually when I go to my mom's we go out shopping, have lunch, hang out at the house, and then maybe shop some more. But no, this time is was being at home. And that was it. It felt like prison. And we were actually all getting along...

This Is Me Lately

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Slacker

On my way home from work tonight I stopped and had my eyebrows waxed. I hadn't been keeping up with them lately, and I figured I'll let someone else tame them and get me back in line to maintain them. As I was driving there, I thought to myself, why not have a girly night. Get the brows waxed, then go home, do a home facial, soak my feet and paint my toe nails...all sorts of girly fun stuff. But now that I'm home...I am feeling so lazy. You know, I could stop typing right now and get my footbath ready. Oh okay...back in a minute!

Oooo...feels so nice, the warm waters and the bubbles! I just hope I can keep this motivation going! I've just felt so lazy lately. I'll admit, part of it is just being so worn out from all that's happened in the last 2 weeks. Today is the first day that I haven't crashed out in a nap on the couch after work. Cross your fingers I make it until bedtime! The eyes are feeling heavy though. I have found myself stuck in that nasty cycle that I don't sleep well at night so I end up napping during the day for too long, and as a result I don't sleep well at night. Maybe this will be my turning point.

Things have been getting better. My eating habits are almost back to normal. I'm still not in the mood for milk - I have that yucky sick taste in my mouth, and that's just not cool with milk. Also, the bubbles in soda are a bit much. Oh well, do I really need a soda? Quite a few people even commented that I looked and sounded like I was feeling better. Just in time for the holiday break!

So, anyone got big plans for Thanksgiving? Is anyone braving the crowds and shopping on Black Friday? I'll be at Mom's for Thanksgiving...and that's all I have planned so far!

Wow

I just don't even know where to begin with my feelings on this one. I was at lunch the other day with a friend, and a story came up about tech support. He was dealing with a server issue and ended up calling Microsoft's tech support. As soon as the tech support representative answered, he hung up, simply because it was a woman that answered the phone. He called back, got a guy, and was happy. I was appalled by his actions, and he explained that the last two times he's had to call for help and spoke with women, they weren't able to solve the problem. He knew that he'd run into a tough situation, and he didn't feel like wasting his time talking to a woman when he'd just have to call back. I just couldn't believe the words coming out of his mouth. As a female in the IT industry, I felt like I had been stabbed in the heart. Never before have someone's words made me feel so worthless. I don't even know if I can put into words how crushed I feel. It's like he's taken my livelihood and made it feel so pointless. Replaying the conversation brings tears to my eyes and sickens my stomach. Now I realize that's his opinion and he's quite entitled to it, but I just have a hard time swallowing it. Moreover, I...I...augh! I can't even get words out - the little Kim in my mind feels so upset she's just standing there, fists clenched, screaming and crying all at the same time. And it hurts so much more coming from a friend and a coworker. A coworker!

*Update* - So of course I've been thinking and thinking about this. I think I figured out that it bothers me so much because I feel like he must not respect me professionally. And if he lacks respect for me in the workplace, how can he have any for me outside of it?

A Little Setback

So the other day Erin asked how long how it would take to heal. To be honest, I'm not really sure. I remember my doctor saying the first week would be rough. I had read online that it would be 7-10 days, 10-14 days, but I don't remember my doctor saying anything specific. Well today the bleeding started up again, and it was the worse it's ever been. I wasn't sure if I was overreacting, but I finally broke down and called the doctor's office. I had to leave a message for the nurse, and per their recording I wouldn't get a phone call until tomorrow. Well, a nurse did call me back to get more details about the situation. She reassured me this was normal, but she wanted to talk to the doctor to find out exactly what I should do next.

About 20 minutes later my doctor called me. She gave me some new instructions - stick with cold. For the next 24 hours cold drink and cold food. If the bleeding starts gently gargle with cold water and/or suck on ice cubes. She asked how much bleeding there was, stuff like that. Then she asked if I was home alone. I couldn't lie, I told her no I wasn't alone, because I was at work. Boy that was the wrong thing to say! So then more doctor's orders: go home. Go home and do nothing. No puttering around the house, no pushing the vacuum, nothing. I am to sit around, kick back, and RELAX. The most energy I need to put out is when I'm walking to get myself something to eat or drink. Or changing the channel with the remote. So if anyone needs me, I'll be on the couch with my new buddy, Duncan:



He was waiting for me on my desk when I went back to work. I named him after my doctor. Even though things might be kind of rough now, I'm confident it will be worth it in the end!

SO Tired

So I did go back to work today. Holy crap was it rough! When I got home I slept from 7:00 - 9:00 and I am still beat. And in pain. My throat is hurting. Sigh...it was good to see everyone. It felt good - as soon as I walked in the door everyone was excited that I was back. But that also meant a lot of people that wanted to talk! Jackass coworker did come over at one point to talk to me, and he actually ended up being nice to me! Shocking I know!! He was there when another friend asked how the pain was, and did they give me anything for it. I told him I'm in constant pain...that I don't notice when I swallow and it does hurt, because that's the norm. I take notice when I swallow and it doesn't hurt. I think Jackass actually listened and was much nicer to me afterwards.

*Warning* gross details ahead: I think things will get noticeably better when I start sleeping better. Last night was one of my worst nights so far. Bleeding is normal, and even more so when you're not drinking enough. I was sleeping like the dead last night, when suddenly I could feel it. The blood was just running down the back of my throat. The taste was awful...I hopped up and headed to the bathroom and spit. At first I wasn't sure that I was bleeding, but oh yeah, I was. It was awful, I could feel it running down the back of my throat, with no way to make it stop. I spit out what I could, which was unnerving to see the mouthfuls of red in the sink. I tried to drink some gatorade, which did help. I think drinking in general helps it stop. But that was my entertainment from 2 - 4 this morning. I even spit out a bloodclot. Holy crap was that disgusting.

Not Ready Yet

I'm just not ready to go back to work. My tummy troubles are now pretty much nonexistent - thank God! The pain is the one thing I'm still having a hard time dealing with. I haven't made it to the point where it doesn't hurt more often than not. Hmm, that sentence is confusing. It's fair to say that it still hurts 95% of the time when I swallow. Now, it's not ungodly pain where I just want to keel over and die, but it does hurt. Shit, it hurts even when I don't swallow. I think I've done more talking today than I have in a long time. My absolutely awesome friend Jennifer came to visit me today (and bring me soup!), and we chatted it up for a few hours. After that I went and watched football with some friends, and did my fair share of talking there, too. The result - pain in my throat, neck, and ears. How am I ever going to make it through work? Granted, I think (or at least I hope) I'll be able to do other things that don't require that I be on the phones and talking, but I'll have to talk nonetheless...people have apparently missed me! And of course I do want to talk to them, it's just going to be rough and I'm nervous. Heck, right now if I want to talk to my mom I just call her and she answers the phone saying, "I'll go get on the computer" and we just message back and forth. And it's not just talking that has me nervous about work, it's being up and away from home for more than a few hours. Like when I was watching football today, I could feel myself start to fall asleep. And if I had, I don't think anyone would have cared - they probably would have just let me sleep, but that's me being tired and I was doing nothing but sitting on the couch and occasionally socializing. Guess we'll find out how tough I am on Tuesday. I think I'll have completely run out of sick and vacation time, so I kind of have to go back. Sigh....hopefully I'm worrying about nothing.