Feeling Used

I’m sure you know someone that’s a jerk. And you’ve come to accept it – that guy is a jerk. I have a friend like that…a very, very close friend. Best Guy Friend actually. He’s quite often a douche, but as I’ve gotten to know him, I know there’s a good guy underneath that douchey exterior. A caring, thoughtful person.

BGF and I play on an indoor soccer team together. Yeah, he can be a butt. He yells, a lot. And there are times I agree with what he says. Watch the middle of the field, why was that person left all alone standing in front of the goal one on one with our keeper. Quit fucking around with the ball, just shoot. He just says it in yelling. And some people are tired of it. What frustrates me is I think that he has valid points, maybe just not the best way of saying them. But when I’ve tried to politely say something, I get blown off. So why not yell? At least then you know the person’s listened to you enough to know what you’ve said.

I’ll admit I’m biased. Like I said, while I know he can be a jerk, I know there’s more to him. Anyways….sitting around after the game the other night I found out one of my current teammates, and a close friend of BGF’s, doesn’t want to play with him anymore. We talked about why. I felt defensive and protective of my friend, who wasn’t there to defend and protect himself. But I thought he had a right to know of our conversation, so I told him about it when I got home. As a result, he’s decided not to play after the next season. He said he doesn’t want to be the reason that people leave the team, so he’s going to do it.

I feel like this all stems from what I told him, and I feel like the conversation about BGF took place with the knowing that I’d go back and tell him about it. Don’t use me to do your dirty work because you don’t have the balls to do it yourself. I don’t understand though, yeah, BGF can be an ass, get over it. Just like it’s hot outside, you just deal with it. At least that’s my opinion. And someone who’s seen us play could say, sure, it’s easy for me to say all of this because I’m not the one getting yelled at. You forget, he’s my friend away from the team. So I hear about my screwups on the ride home. I hear about it on the way to our next game, and I hear about it many times in between. But guess what? I don’t give a fuck what he has to say. He dishes out some shit, and I fling it right back, and that’s when I choose to even pay attention.

I know I’m rambling, but I find this whole thing annoying. Got a problem? Either man up and say something or get over it. Sure, I realize there have been things I’ve whined about in the past where you could easily throw my words back at me, but dammit, if you’re not going to do something on your own, don’t use me as your little pawn.