Baby Dreamin'

Had another pregnant dream last night. I don't remember a whole lot of it, but I do know that I was waiting for someone else's wedding to finish so that mine could begin. I just had to get married before my baby was born. As usual, I'm not sure who the baby daddy was, and it wasn't important. I'm not even sure if the father was the groom!

Guest House

Today I went along with the roommates while they went furniture shopping. There were a few things on their list, one being a new couch. Right now, downstairs in the basement, is my couch, chair, and coffee & end tables. I think those are the only things of mine that reside outside of my bedroom. It's perfect furniture if it's the 3 of us, but if we have company over there's not a lot of seating. Let's be honest, on a couch that has 3 cushions, it's really only comfy for two people, one on each end. My furniture will really not suffice when football season rolls around. I spent last fall living on the roommates' couch watching the games, and that's before we were roommates. And it was usually me plus at least one other person. The furniture we sat on back then is an awesome sectional that's in a different room in this house, not in the basement where the badass tv and surround sound are.

For me, the trip was a little depressing. I really do think it's because I use all of their stuff that this doesn't feel like home. And now I'm losing the one thing that's mine. That's not to say when the new furniture arrives we're completely getting rid of my stuff, but it's not going to be in a heavily used room. But it will be cast aside. Maybe "cast" is a harsh word. Moved aside, put aside, out of the way. Heck it might even end up in a storage unit.

I guess I should really be thinking about the deeper meaning of all of this...why is it so necessary that I have "my stuff" when I'm in a house that I'm constantly reminded is my home? The possessive feelings are on my side, not theirs. I guess if I'm really honest with myself it has to do with the lack of accomplishment in my life. A couch is all I have to show for it. At times, in every aspect of my life it feels like there's nothing but failure. Work, relationships, financial stability, hell, even my weight = failure. One would think that at my age I'd be doing something more that what boils down to an entry-level position. Especially considering the time I spent (wasted) on education. And with that entry-level position comes my entry-level salary. I'm practically living month-to-month on my paycheck, supporting no one but myself. At this point in my life shouldn't I be picking out furniture for my house? My own house that I don't even have. I can't afford to live in the area I want, not without selling vital organs and babies on the black market. Maybe that means I should change my wants. Start being realistic and quit this foolish day dreaming. I never thought things would be like this. That's not to say that things are all bad, just not the way I imagined them, and while it may seem like I'm saying everything is horrible, that's just how it feels at the moment, and it doesn't always feel like this.

A Marco Pic

I Want Lazy

Lately I've been in the mood to just chill out and hang at home, but it's just not happening. This past weekend at the wine blending party was a very good time, but I came home and was beyond exhausted. Between drinking, sleeping in a different bed, and sharing that different bed, I did not sleep well. When I got home yesterday, I took a shower, then put on my pjs - it was 1:30. Tonight was dinner with Ex-Cubicle Neighbor. Tomorrow's Big Slow Tom's Trivia, then on Wednesday it's soccer. So far nothing's planned for Thursday. I do have Friday off of work, and right now I so desperately want that day to chill out at home and do nothing. At first I was pretty gun-ho about having the house to myself, but now I don't really care if others are here, just so long as if I want to nap on my couch I can. Man I just want to be at home doing nothing. It feels like lately even when I am at home I have stuff to do. Make my lunch for tomorrow, clean the kitty litter boxes, do laundry. Now I realize none of those things are complicated, I just think it's the feeling of always going and/or doing, and dammit I just want a break!

A Few Updates

No big news, just thought I'd drop by and say hi. Overall things are going well. Two weeks ago in soccer some jackhole practically stomped on my leg giving me a nice bone bruise...it's been getting better, slowly. This healing process needs to hurry theh hell up. When it happened I commented to a friend I didn't know which would happen first, if I was going to cry or vomit from the pain. Dammit it hurt. But things are getting better, I just find it funny that it seems like it's that leg that Marco always wants to rub up against.

Speaking of Marco, he's still cute as ever. He did attack my hand the other night, leaving some little kitty claw scratches on my hand. Those also hurt, like little paper cuts. I think I've figured something out though, he likes his belly to be rubbed, but not his chest. I'll have to remember that.

I'm almost done with my whole car headache. I've gotten rid of my old one and now I just need to transfer the tags to my new one. And drop some cash to pay some property tax on the car since it's coming from out of state. Yay I love spending lots of money!

Hmm...nothing else fun and exciting going on. Well I guess that's not entirely true. I'm going out of town tomorrow for a friend's wine club blending party. I'm not 100% sure how things are going to work, but we're trying to make a new blended wine. I'm kinda nervous, I don't drink much any more, and I'm worried that I'm gonna be hammered after an hour or two and then crash earlier or end up with my head in the toilet. Oh I hope not!

Babies On The Brain

Have I had my "I don't want kids" rant on here? I suppose I could go back and look, but, well, that would require me putting forth some effort. Why do that when I can just run off at the mouth (or fingers)? We've got a prego at work that's due in the next two weeks. On my soccer team is another prego. Ok, she doesn't play anymore, but the hubby/babydaddy does. Last night a good friend from college was in town and stayed the night. Yep, she's prego too. Of course there's nothing wrong with having kids. Wait for me there is, but everyone else, nothing wrong. I to a point don't even mind baby/kid conversation (keep your gross stories to yourself)...I like other people's kids, just not the idea of my own. I think that one shouldn't think of parenthood as a sacrifice. It's more like a trade-off. Sure, I can't do blah blah anymore, but who cares, I get to do yada yada instead! I just don't foresee parenthood being for me. Yes yes easy for me to say right now because I'm single, of course, you need not remind me of that. But even when I think that sure, some day I'd like to be married, that's where that thought stops. Yep, like to be married. Oh wait, maybe get a dog. Marco was sitting in my lap the other night, and I was looking down on him thinking, "My God I love this cat. I really and honestly love him with all of my heart." Then for a moment I imagined the creature in my lap being a baby and not my awesomely awesome kitteh. AUGH! I think I'd spend most of my time as a parent trying to figure out a way to get rid of the kid. At least with the cat I can leave him for a few days with some chow, water, and a half-clean litter box!

Girly Bitching

Since I just wrote a post that was all sorts of whiny, why not keep it going, right? Work...not even gonna go there. Let's talk about my weight. So after two months of weighing in over my goal weight at Weight Watchers I quit going. Over the the last few months I've put on 10 lbs. Yeah, I know 10 pounds isn't a whole lot, but when you're not very tall, I think it's more noticeable. The weight doesn't have a lot of room to spread out, it just all kind of pools in the middle. Before we went on vacation I had been doing a mix of running & walking after work. Then we went on vacation and I ate like a little moo-cow. After vacation ended I planned on getting back on track, but excuses kept cropping up. The day after my vacation ended I had a soccer game. In my first 2 seconds on the field some asshat kicked me on my right shin. The bruise is still coming out. It slightly uncomfortable to walk and more painful to run. Last night's game wasn't too bad...I wore tall socks under my shinguards (which really prevented a lot of damage, NOT). Anyways, between my sore leg and the friggin heat I have no desire to go out and do something physical. But even before vacation when I was doing stuff it didn't seem like it was getting any easier, and that was quite frustrating. Ugh...ok, I'm done!