Shakes My Martini

I’m Not Your Bitch

2011-05-09T14:50:00.001-04:00

Things have changed a lot at work since I was posting somewhat regularly. I no longer answer calls, instead I’m out doing field work. I like it so much better than being tethered to my desk. Before I started doing fieldwork fulltime, I was working two days a week under the tutelage of another coworker. This coworker is one of my two officemates. My other officemate does share this office, but does no fieldwork in this building. I think that’s the big reason why I worked so much with one guy over the other. BuildingBuddy would take me around showing me things, or he’d send me off on my own, saying he was there if I needed him. The building would eventually be divided between the two of us, and most of the work I did on my own was for the area I would one day cover. I’m not sure what OtherOfficemate thought was going on, but it certainly wasn’t BuildingBuddy sitting back and doing nothing while I went out and did everything. OtherOfficemate would throw out snide comments every now and then, “You done being BuildingBuddy’s bitch yet?” I honestly don’t think it was ever like that…like I was being taken advantage of and suckered into doing someone else’s work, at least not by him.

Around the same time that I started my fieldwork fulltime, OtherOfficemate was at his deadline for a couple of large projects, and he was not ready. Rather than asking me for help, he’d walk over and give me a few tasks to do. It really annoyed me that he wouldn’t even ask if I was busy with something else. Nope, he’d just walk over to my desk and tell me what to do. For as much as this annoyed me, it annoyed BuildingBuddy even more. I can understand why. Aside from the whole not-asking thing, BuildingBuddy knows I have a hard time saying no. “You’re too nice” he says. I told him that even if I said no, I didn’t want to be the new kid that wasn’t being a team player. Especially when our supervisor was well aware of the impending deadline and of the fact that shit wasn’t ready. BuildingBuddy was worried I was setting a bad precedent; if I didn’t stand up for myself Officemate would keep dumping stuff on me. I was hopeful (and stupid) to think that once the projects were done things would get better. Nope.

This morning I was balancing my checkbook while sitting at my desk. Yes, I do balance my checkbook, every month, to the penny. My mom made me do it when I was younger, and now I like doing it. I did have a few work-related things to do, but I admit, I took a minute out for me. I was having a hard time getting the numbers to balance, and I was grumbling aloud to myself. Officemate asked what was bugging me, and I told him that it was nothing big, just trying to get my checkbook straight (which I did). I guess he saw that as my being bored with no work, because a few minutes later he started telling me about the two upcoming tasks he has to do and which one he’d prefer me helping him with. BuildingBuddy could hear the conversation, and he started in on how I don’t need to do anyone else’s work, just my own. I appreciate him standing up for me, but at the same time, everyone shut up and leave me alone!

Hi

2011-05-05T16:16:00.000-04:00

Hey little blog! I haven’t forgotten you. I just have that same debate over and over regarding your existence. Should I keep this thing going? Does anyone read it? Even if no one does, do I enjoying writing and posting? I think I do, and there have been plenty of times I’ve had stuff on my mind that I’ve wanted to get out but it hasn’t made it up here. For example….

Turning 32 has not been easy. I really feel like my birthday hit a few months ago and I’m no longer the same person. I feel old. I feel like I’m getting closer to death. I really feel like we spend more time breaking down than we do building up. I mean, what’s the average life expectancy of a US female? Ehh…depending on what you read it’s about 77 years (thank you Google). I’m not quite to the midpoint yet (not quite I said, I know I’m getting close), but I already feel like I’m falling apart. My hair is turning grey, and has been for a little while now. Though the funny thing about that is every now and then when I pull a loose hair off shirt or whatever it is a grey one haha! Or does that mean I’m going bald, too? My body feels old and achy. I have wrinkles, my metabolism is slowing. One foot in the grave I tell ya.

Anyways…joining the gym was a complete failure. I just didn’t feel comfortable going there, like the employees were so judgmental. I’m sure it’s just me overacting, being over sensitive, but still, it’s how I felt. As a result, I hardly went. I do have some inspiration to try and be active. Still playing soccer, and I want to run a 5k. I’ve been saying that for a while now. I have cousins that run. They’ve done 5ks & 10ks, and a few are going to even run in a warrior race, through mud and fire and stuff. Another is training for a triathlon. We’re all close in age - two of them are older, and one is younger. If they can do it, so can I. Well, maybe not the triathlon because I can’t really swim that well, and not the warrior race because I’d probably have a breakdown if my shoes got dirty, but running general, yeah, I should be able to do that. And I do on occasion, I just need to stick with it. Good grief I get distracted easily. What’s this? An invitation for margaritas? OK! I need to focus!

Speaking of focus, I really should do some work right about now…

I Have A Blog?

2011-01-02T22:24:00.002-05:00

I forgot all about this thing. Goes to show you how much is going on that is worth discussing with the masses. As you were.

Pumping Iron

2010-08-12T22:53:00.002-04:00

I joined a gym! Yeah, I’m shocked too – don’t feel bad for being surprised. I really hope this is something I stick with. Back in May I started taking golf lessons, and I’ve loved it. I’m actually frustrated that no one in my usual gang of friends can go play, for one reason or another (out of town, too hot, whatever). After I go to the driving range, I’m pumped, and I feel good about myself. I’m hoping the gym will be the same way.

I’m worried I won’t go because I’m distracted by other things. Soccer two nights a week, and I like to do something golf related once a week, whether it’s the driving range or an actual lesson with our instructor. What happens if I play soccer on Mondays, need a rest on Tuesday, and then play again on Wednesday? That leaves only Thursday through Sunday, days all clumped together. I’m sure I’m worrying about nothing. Right? I’m gonna be pumped, and I’m gonna be motivated, and dammit I’m gonna go!

Up Yours

2010-08-06T14:21:00.000-04:00

So my roommate’s cat has pooping issues. I don’t know all of the technical terms and such. I do know the cat’s colon backs up with feces and she ends up getting constipated and eventually it is impossible for her to go to the bathroom. As a result, she’s taken to the vet to have the backup of feces removed. It’s hard on her system and may eventually play apart into her death. Not a happy story. It was decided, that as a preventative measure, maybe the cat should start receiving enemas. Yep, you read that right – an enema. Right now the plan is every two weeks, the cat gets stuff shoved up her rear.

Roommate’s job has made her familiar with enemas. Me, on the other hand, nope, had no idea. I’ll spare the details (unless you really want to hear them), but that poor kitty. We were warned that cat bites are very dangerous, and if you are bitten by a cat you should go for professional medical attention, and that, because of the bacteria in their mouth that is similar to e. coli, you’ll probably end up on antibiotics. Anyways, they put the kitty in a plastic cone collar, and then they put her in a kitty bag, recommending we get one. I say “we” because I’m the poor sucker meant to help with this. The bag is neat, it has the zipper on the top, so you drop the cat in, zip it up so only her head sticks out, and you’re set. You unzip a bit from the back end, but the arms and legs are stuck inside, so you don’t get clawed to death. Once the kitty was in the bag, we learned how to perform the procedure. The up-the-butt part is quick, and then the kitty gets to spend the night in the bathroom, with a litter box that she’ll hopefully use.

Yep, that was my Thursday night – jealous?

I Got A Snake Man!

2010-07-28T22:51:00.004-04:00

So GuyRoommate and I get home from our soccer game and GirlRoommate rushes downstairs to meet us, telling us to head down to the basement, she has something to show us. Yep, a snake caught in the netting for her plants. At first we didn't realize how badly he was stuck. I thought he was just rolled up in the netting, but no, he had slithered through the actual holes in the net, trapping himself.

First GuyRoommate, before realizing how badly trapped the snake was, just tried to shake the netting to free him. Then after realizing he was trapped, GuyRoommate requested scissors. He made a few snips in the netting before wondering, what type of snake is this? Is he poisonous? I came inside and started to Google snakes. Then I decided to call one of my soccer teammates. Teammate is somewhat of a Renaissance man - he knows a bit about everything, including gardening and the like. He didn't answer, but his wife did. She's a country girl, so I explained our predicament. After chatting and web searching, we all agreed it was a rat snake. Not poisonous, but if he does bite you may feel a bit sick.

In the beginning, GuyRoommate did most of the work. He snipped away at the netting while GirlRoommate jumped and shrieked while I chatted on the phone. I don't know what possessed me, as I was terrified, but I decided I needed to help.

It's hard to tell, but in the bottom picture that's my bare hand using kitchen shears to cut away the net. At one point GuyRoommate asked why I was leaning over his leg to cut, and he laughed realizing it was my way of keeping something - anything - between me and that snake.

I was so worried I'd cut the snake. It was hard to slide the blade of the shears between the skin of the snake and the tight netting wrapped around his body. We did eventually free him of the vast majority of the netting. As best as I could tell, there was only one loop left on him when he slithered away.

For as scared as I was, I felt bad for the snake. He was trapped, and he would surely die if we didn't help him. As soon as I was finished, I turned to go back in the house, and I could feel tears welling in my eyes. I was so stressed, so scared, so nervous, and it was all finally over. I think I managed to safely remove the net without cutting the snake. As I was also happy that the few times I did jump, I didn't stab anyone (aka GuyRoommate) in the face with scissors.

** Oh how funny! Right before I hit publish on this, my cousin sent a picture of a snake that's been hanging out at his place. That guy even climbs brick walls! They named him Pete. I was gonna name our snake Pete!

***Oh, and another thing. We trimmed up the netting and swept up the mess we made, hoping that no other critters will become trapped. As I was taking out the trash, a roach ran past me. Really!? Haven't I been through enough?!

Feeling Used

2010-07-22T23:16:00.001-04:00

I’m sure you know someone that’s a jerk. And you’ve come to accept it – that guy is a jerk. I have a friend like that…a very, very close friend. Best Guy Friend actually. He’s quite often a douche, but as I’ve gotten to know him, I know there’s a good guy underneath that douchey exterior. A caring, thoughtful person.

BGF and I play on an indoor soccer team together. Yeah, he can be a butt. He yells, a lot. And there are times I agree with what he says. Watch the middle of the field, why was that person left all alone standing in front of the goal one on one with our keeper. Quit fucking around with the ball, just shoot. He just says it in yelling. And some people are tired of it. What frustrates me is I think that he has valid points, maybe just not the best way of saying them. But when I’ve tried to politely say something, I get blown off. So why not yell? At least then you know the person’s listened to you enough to know what you’ve said.

I’ll admit I’m biased. Like I said, while I know he can be a jerk, I know there’s more to him. Anyways….sitting around after the game the other night I found out one of my current teammates, and a close friend of BGF’s, doesn’t want to play with him anymore. We talked about why. I felt defensive and protective of my friend, who wasn’t there to defend and protect himself. But I thought he had a right to know of our conversation, so I told him about it when I got home. As a result, he’s decided not to play after the next season. He said he doesn’t want to be the reason that people leave the team, so he’s going to do it.

I feel like this all stems from what I told him, and I feel like the conversation about BGF took place with the knowing that I’d go back and tell him about it. Don’t use me to do your dirty work because you don’t have the balls to do it yourself. I don’t understand though, yeah, BGF can be an ass, get over it. Just like it’s hot outside, you just deal with it. At least that’s my opinion. And someone who’s seen us play could say, sure, it’s easy for me to say all of this because I’m not the one getting yelled at. You forget, he’s my friend away from the team. So I hear about my screwups on the ride home. I hear about it on the way to our next game, and I hear about it many times in between. But guess what? I don’t give a fuck what he has to say. He dishes out some shit, and I fling it right back, and that’s when I choose to even pay attention.

I know I’m rambling, but I find this whole thing annoying. Got a problem? Either man up and say something or get over it. Sure, I realize there have been things I’ve whined about in the past where you could easily throw my words back at me, but dammit, if you’re not going to do something on your own, don’t use me as your little pawn.

Avoiding Reality

2010-05-31T23:48:00.002-04:00

A long time ago I did buy my own domain name, and it was avoidingreality.com, but I never did anything with it. I haven't even made the effort to see if the new owner has. Oh well....I debate over and over about continuing with this blog. I have absolutely nothing to talk about. My only drama is what I bothered to be bothered by. I don't have an adorable new son (holy crap that kid is cute). ANd well, only so many people want to hear about my adorable cat. My biggest problem right now is my new (hopefully) golf clubs are on back order.

The only thing that has really been weighing on my mind recently are my dreams. I've talked about them before, and more often that not even you can understand the absurdity of my dreams. Not long ago I dreamt about an alligator (crocodile, whatever) that was initially 2 feet long and grew to 6 feet long when approached. Not gonna happen....no reptile will start at 2 feet and unexpectedly grow to 6 feet just like that. Nope...not real.

But after that dream things took a turn for the....real?! The dreams I've had recently aren't so much dreams as they are hallucinations. When I wake up I struggle to determine if what just took place was all in my head, or was it real? The people and places are part of my every day life. I wake up not knowing if the feelings that I've expressed are the ones that I'm still struggling with, or are they ideas that I've finally found the courage to speak up about. Don't get me wrong...these "ideas", these "opinions" aren't earth shattering in the grand scheme of things, but they are things that weigh on my mind. And I have a hard time determining if I've finally found the voice to speak them.

But like I've said before, they aren't major things. Nothing that should cause for concern. They are just the drama that I make for myself....

Monday Funday

2010-04-26T15:17:00.001-04:00

Well hello strangers! I've been slack about updating, but not a lot is going on that's really worth talking about, so I'll bore you. I've been taking a soccer skills camp on Friday nights. It's a lot of fun, and I am learning stuff, I just don't know how well I'll be able to apply the skills in a real game situation. I get too nervous knowing that someone far better than me is coming after the ball, so I'm in a hurry to get rid of it. I suppose if I practiced more on my own time I may feel differently. MOnday nights have been occupied with outdoor, and Wednesdays with indoor. I'm having fun, getting in some exercise.

My knee is still kind of bothering me, and I'm just not sure what to do. GuyRoommate says it's going to hurt, it's a knee injury - a part of your body you use all the time. GirlRoommate is more sympathetic. I fell at the end of February, and waited two weeks to go to the doctor. My first visit he said things would be a lot better in two weeks, and when I went back to see him, I agreed they were. Two more weeks and I should be back to normal. So it's been a month since then. He did say if I was still hurting to call back and request an MRI. I'm just not sure what to do. I'm not in constant pain, and I walk without a limp. I'm a lot better and using both legs to go up and down stairs. When I do feel pain, it isn't bad...more annoying than anything. But does it hurt because I did do more damage than we realize, or am I just taking a long time to heal? I wish someone could just say, this is normal. You're not a young girl any more and this will take time to get over. Or, it wasn't that serious of a tear, it should be better by now, you probably did fuck up your meniscus and you should get that MRI. I just hate the idea of spending all of that money when it might just be me being impatient.

And since my knee is bothering me I decided to sign up for golf lessons. Smart me! I'll have a busy week next week...outdoor soccer on Monday, golf on Tuesday, indoor soccer on Wednesday, nothing on Thursday, and soccer camp on Friday. You'd think with all of that soccer I'd have some skills! Yeah, you'd be wrong!

Cheese With That Whine?

2010-04-08T21:14:00.000-04:00

Today at work I started a blog entry, and the whole point of it was going to be how I’m still alive, but nothing important or notable has happened, blah blah blah. And then the shit at work started. A coworker of mine used some incorrect terminology in an email. He stated that something was our “policy” but fact of the matter is, it is not policy. His supervisor was griping about the situation, and I used at as an opportunity to address something that bothers me – a lack of communication. I informed the supervisor that I also thought it was policy, and how I thought situations such as these could be avoided if there was better communication. I was interrupted by a phone call, and when I was finished the supervisor jumped on me. “Where is it stated that that’s our policy? Where? Show me? If you’re going to say it is, then prove it in writing.” I told him I had no problem in saying I was wrong, and that I can’t back it up with print, but it was something I had heard, and I was wrong. No problem saying I’m wrong. Know who has 2 thumbs and is wrong? This girl!

But I continued on how things happen without everyone knowing. Wait…not EVERYONE knowing…the people involved knowing. For example, an upgrade is being pushed out to certain employees, and if they miss the upgrade because their pc was off of if they have a laptop and it was out of the building during the time of the upgrade, then they should call my team to arrange to get the upgrade. The upgrade is slowing rolling out, so if someone calls asking for it prior to their scheduled time, we tell them to wait. A user called and said she wanted the upgrade, and I told her she’d have to wait until her group was upgraded, and she politely states that she got an email saying she should call me. In this case, she had a legitimate reason to call. She was part of a group that was upgraded…that would have been nice for me to know. Then, rather than trying to figure out what the hell she’s talking about – what email?! – I could have just given her the upgrade. Why was I the last to know?
I suppose it bothers me so much because I find it embarrassing. Why should someone else, in another department, know more about my job function than I do. And it happens constantly! My team’s name and number is dropped all the time for help with issues, but we never get a heads up. Why is it so hard to tell us?

It also drives me nuts that these things happen over and over. A coworker asked why it bothered me so much. We’re peons, we don’t have much say. Life isn’t fair, shit happens all the time. So I should settle? Just let it roll off of my back? I can’t argue with the fact that there are just some things you can’t change, but I don’t see why my requests are so unreasonable.

Pissy Mood

2010-03-25T21:37:00.001-04:00

I haven't bitched on here in awhile, and I'm sure you've missed it, so here it goes. Today wasn't a great day at work. We're implementing a new timesheet process soon, and right now it's in the testing phase, and it has been a complete and utter disaster. System errors, user errors, fluke incidents, it's all there. And it's mess. I myself have very little to do with the new system. My involvement is limited to me being a middleman for users and the solutions to their problems. Even though I'm nothing but a middleman, I've been one ridiculously busy person. The two days we've had of testing have been awful, and I'm trying to prepare myself for another busy day tomorrow. The day is going to suck ass and I am just not ready for it.

The thing that really peeves me is I spend my day taking a beating. I do it from 8:00 - 5:00, and whether or not I can squeeze in a lunchbreak it doesn't matter, I'm still there at 8:00 and I can leave at 5:00. Other workers in my area have the luxury of not following such a formal schedule. It just burns me up that I spend my day taking it in the ass and those guys float in and out at whatever hours they choose, and in the end they get paid for "working" the same hours as me, even if they were only there for 2/3 or 3/4 of the time. They come in late, leave early, and have a nice relaxing hour, hour and a half lunchbreak. Sure, you can attribute this to jealousy, but what about fairness? All of these people make more than me. Where's my compensation? Especially when we "work" the same hours?

Restless

2010-03-14T23:29:00.002-04:00

If my knee doesn't stop hurting soon I'm going to go bananas. The weather's been so pretty lately and I haven't been able to take advantage of it. My knee is starting to feel better, but I'm impatient. I want normal. I've never had a real injury, and it's driving me nuts. I want to go out for a walk/run. When the weather's nice I spend my lunchbreak roaming around downtown. My job is mind numbingly boring - I need the change of scenery. I've realized I don't listen to my callers much...I've already figured out the problem and I'm just waiting for them to quit babbling so I can fix it.

The knee problem has made for rough nights as well. Like I don't have enough sleep issues. I think I have restless legs. In the evenings or laying in bed I can feel them twitching. Working out does make them feel better. My mom also told me that doing wall sits will help, and they do help, when I can actually do them. Sigh...bitch bitch bitch...

Stoopid Knee

2010-03-11T18:12:00.000-05:00

So a couple of weeks ago a crowd of us went up to Snowshoe, WV, for some skiing. I took a little spill, and since then, my left knee hasn't been very happy. When I fell, I managed to leave my feet flat on the ground and aimed downhill as I slid on my back. Finally, my left ski caught an edge and my leg bent behind me. I've never felt pain like that...holy shit it hurt.

There was some serious swelling and pain, and the general consensus was that I hurt my MCL. BGF said it, and so did the part-time EMS worker that I know at work. He also suggested it was possible that I tore my meniscus, but wasn't sure. I asked those guys if they thought the fall warranted a trip to the doctor, and everyone agreed that I should give it some time, so I did.

Fast forward exactly two weeks and I'm in the doctor's office. The swelling has gone down, but there's still some there. I do still feel some pain. The big thing I wanted to know was if things were healing ok, and when can I start playing soccer again. I have a hard enough time keeping my weight under control when I'm moving around, I surely can't do it when I can't exercise!

I went to an orthopedic specialist that deals with Sports Medicine. He said in an effort to save time and money, we'd skip taking x-rays and an MRI. He could say with certainty that the guys were correct, I did tear my MCL. He's not sure about my meniscus. It's possible that it is torn, but his thinking is to try and see how a brace will help things. If it's just my MCL I'll be fine. If there is a problem with the meniscus, the damage is already done and it can't get worse, but based on our conversation he doesn't think the meniscus will be an issue. Yay!

Internal?!

2010-03-08T23:49:00.002-05:00

A possible TMI post. About girly business. For awhile now my period's been acting odd, and I finally had enough. I made an appointment to visit my OB/GYN, and after the usual checkup she decided it would be a good idea to do an ultrasound. I had never had one before, but I've seen plenty on tv. I was escorted to my exam room, after emptying my bladder (why do they insist on using that phrase, is it really necessary?), and once inside the tech told me she'd be performing an internal ultrasound and I needed to undress from the waist down. She left the room for me to undress, and when she returned, I asked, "did you say 'internal'?" Yep, that's what she said...you can see things better.

Now when my doctor said "ultrasound" I imagined what I would assume most people would - the tech squirting some gel on a instrument, and then running it over my belly. Yeah...no. The instrument looked like a large vibrator, to which she applied the gel and placed between my legs. Now, that device never actually entered my body, but I seriously thought she was going to jab a hole in me. I had no idea they did ultrasounds like that. However I was later informed that if you're pregnant it'll happen that way. Another reason for me not to have kids!

The good news is, after that uncomfortable experience, that everything checked out just fine!

Use A Coupon

2010-02-19T13:53:00.004-05:00

This ad online just struck me as odd. I see the Plan B pill as emergency contraceptive. An emergency contraceptive - something I wouldn't keep on hand or have on my shopping list. I guess that's why the "Save $10" part seems so odd.

All The Single Ladies

2010-02-08T23:29:00.002-05:00

Can’t you just hear Beyonce singing? Or…maybe it’s just me. Whatever, that’s fine. A few weeks ago I was at the library chatting with my librarian friend, and knowing I was single she asked if I had plans for the Valentine’s Day weekend. I said no, so she asked if I’d go on a speed-dating outing with her. I don’t really know the details, other than the R-Line is involved, taking people from place to place. When she asked if I’d go, I tried to not have a deer-in-headlights look and to just laugh it off. I can’t imagine such an incident to be fun. Although I am always yelling how does one meet people when you’re my age, but that’s not really what I had in mind. I mentioned it to GirlRoommate who thought it would be fun. Yeah, easy to say when you’re not going. GuyRoommate’s on my side about this….what kind of guys am I really going to meet? I have a type in mind, and trust me folks, not what I’m looking for.

Anyways, one day the topic came up during a conversation with two of my single female friends, and they’re all excited. WTH?! Really? Now don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying there’s anything wrong with it, and who knows, I may someday actually try it and end up meeting Mr. Wonderful. But the pressing issue for my friends is so that they’ll have something to do for Valentine’s Day. Oh dear God no, I can’t do nothing on Valentine’s Day. I can’t be single and alone on Valentine’s Day! Who actually cares about Valentine’s Day? Aside from Hallmark I mean. It’s one holiday I’ve never cared for. Now don’t get me wrong, any Valentine’s Day that I have been with someone I’ve always appreciated the gestures (who doesn’t like presents!), but I’d rather have those gestures as a spontaneous show of affection, rather than because you can read a calendar. Two years ago when Burger and I were together for VDay, I begged not to go out…let’s make dinner at home, watch a movie, and snuggle on the couch. That was all I wanted. But no, “you’re supposed to go out on Valentine’s Day” so we did. Yay.

In other exciting news, I’m going skiing! Oh my gosh, I am going to die haha! We’re going at the end of the month, a big group of us, up to Snowshoe, West Virginia. I’m sure it’s going to be a lot of fun. I did take skiing as one of my PE classes when I was up at App. That was my freshman year, and then I skied one time after that my sophomore year, and that’s it. I just haven’t been since. I have actually purchased some boots and skis. They were $75 total. Thank God that little 13 year old girl outgrew them so I could get them. And yay for craigslist! Now I know that you’re thinking, geez Kim that’s an awfully expensive activity and didn’t you just bitch about money? Yes and Yes. Another reason to not go out on the speed-dating activity, and no, no I will not be going out to lunch, or dinner, any time soon. Thanks for the invite though!

Snow Kitty

2010-02-02T22:45:00.002-05:00

My Money

2010-02-01T21:34:00.002-05:00

Yes, I know you're supposed to budget, and I always say that I should, but yeah, that never happens. Well tonight I decided to sit down and just take a look at where my money's going. One thing is obvious, this girl likes to eat. I included Wal-Mart & Target in the "grocery & stuff" heading because I will grab foodstuff there when I'm out. My "other" column is more clothes, my Christmas shopping, but nothing I could eat or drink, and not gas. I should take a bigger look at that column so I can break it down more, offhand I know there's a trip to the driving range, but I have not bought much to wear recently, so I'm not sure what's up.

Probably Need Professional Help

2010-01-26T17:14:00.003-05:00

I swear I do not know what the Hell is wrong with me. I had a dream last night that just makes no damn sense. I dreamt that I was terminally ill, and the hospital I was at let me leave so I could go home and die. Seriously!? Wth!? I remember being in the car on the ride home, depressed, looking out the window at the trees as we drove by. It was one of those dreams where I was seeing it in third person, like it was a movie. I saw myself with my head leaned against the window that showed the reflection of the trees. Really quite pretty if you could see what I was seeing. When we got home, which wasn't really my house, but more of a fancy cabin on a lake, I saw my mother. Someone started a campfire, and chairs were all around so everyone could sit around and hang out to help me enjoy my last night. At no time ever did I feel or look sick. I was upset though, I begged and pleaded with my mother to let me stay, that I wasn't ready to die yet. When I woke up from the dream I was so upset, all the fear and depression I felt in my dream was still with me. Looking back now though, shit, I deserve an Oscar. All of the pain and emotion, yeah, I would have wooed crowds. I don't have any clue where all those ideas came from. I can't think of any conversation I've had or any tv program I've seen that would make me think about dying and such. So weird....

So Dark

2010-01-22T09:40:00.003-05:00

It's so hard to get a picture of him when he's such a pitch black kitten. Aw, but mommeh loves her little ninja kitten!

Bunco Night

2010-01-21T23:18:00.002-05:00

Tonight our house hosted a Bunco group. I had to admit, it was fun, but I was beat. Have you ever played before? I hadn't, so I had to learn the rules, such as yelling "Bunco!" at the appropriate time, and snatching the dice when triples are rolled. My luck wasn't very good, and I ended up coming in last place. The cool thing is the person in last place gets their $5 back, so I ended up losing no money. Granted I didn't win any, but I didn't lose any! The part I didn't care for was the chit-chatting prior to play. It was more wedding talk! I swear as soon as it starts my eyes start to glass over. There was wedding talk for a little bit, table decorations and dress alterations. Thank goodness for pigs-in-a-blanket to snack on. And then later Valentine's Day was mentioned. I don't understand that day much either. And this isn't a single girl hating on Valentine's Day, even when I've been in relationships that I've hated on it. Don't get me wrong, I like the stuff associated with the day, a special sweet treat or a nice dinner, but that would mean a whole lot more if it was done spontaneously, and not when it's expected by society. Know what I mean?

Jump!

2010-01-20T12:52:00.001-05:00

Wow I had such an awesome dream last night! It's kinda weird though, it's not the content of the dream that was so cool, it was more how I felt when I woke up, because I was in the best of moods. In my dream I was a reporter, and I was doing a story about soldiers that worked on a plane similar to a C-130. We discussed how supplies were dropped out of the plane. Next, the commanding officer and I talked about the troops jumping, and said it was possible for me to jump with them. It wasn't really jumping and parachuting down to the ground, though, it was more of jumping out of the plane on a long line, and trailing behind it. Like parasailing, only out the back of a plane. I was so excited, I suited up and got all of my gear on, and listened to the soldiers as he explained the process. After I was sure he was done talking, I shot him a huge grin and took of running to the back of the plane and jumped! And then I woke up. I was still filled with all of that excitement, it was so hard to go back to sleep. I just laid there and imagined what would be happening next.

Girly Girl

2010-01-13T23:09:00.002-05:00

I tell you, there are times I feel like I just don't fit in with other girls. I like movies with guns, violence, and swearing. I'm not much into romantic comedies. Last year I saw "The Ugly Truth" and wanted to shoot myself. I found Katherine Heigl's character to be annoying rather than funny. The movie wasn't a fun experience for me. This Valentine's Day a new movie is coming out with a stellar cast...Bradley Cooper (hottie), Anne Hathaway (so beautiful), Jennifer Garner, Julia Roberts, Jessica Alba, Jessica Biel, Topher Grace, Jaime Foxx, Patrick Dempsey, and the list goes on. Guess what the title of the movie is? "Valentine's Day" - you got it! I think the cast is awesome, I really do. But I have absolutely no desire to see it. None whatsoever. I'm hoping the Marrieds will go see it together and leave me out of it.

It's not just movies I don't like either...wedding talk bores the life out of me. Do I want to get married? Sure! Do I want a wedding? NO! I've been a bridesmaid in one wedding, and that was enough for me. To me it just seems like an assload of work and money for one day. One day that I've heard so many couples say that was just a blur. What's wrong with just getting dressed up and going to the courthouse? Then, if you want, throw a big damn party? Let's be honest, who really cares about the ceremony? I'm sure it's important to the bride and groom, and to their families, but who else cares? Most people just want the fun of the reception. Mighty nice invitation you sent out...really pretty. And into the trash it goes. And then there's the dresses. I'm not gonna make you wear some stupid dress for a few hours...one that you have to shell out some cash for and then never use again. Same for the bridal gown...though I will say, the brides who have trashed their dresses...I think that's pretty awesome. I'd be down with laying in some mud in that stark white gown!

But I Thought He Loved Me

2010-01-12T16:48:00.000-05:00

Happy New Year

2010-01-02T23:42:00.003-05:00

I've been quite slack about posting lately, I totally admit. And there has been stuff that I've wanted to talk about. I've just been lazy. And that's one of my goals for the new year...to be less lazy. I need to get more active. Another resolution, if you call it that, is to go out more with singles and less with the Marrieds. Nothing against them, don't get me wrong, but going out with them isn't going to get me any closer to being married, which I would one day like. So SingleGirl and I have decided that we need to go out the two of us, minus the marrieds, at least twice a month. Our intention is to out and meet other singles, and if by chance they happen to be men, that's great, and if by chance something more comes from it, that's great also.

I must say I'm glad I've met SingleGirl. I met her through GirlRoommate, and she's the first single friend that I've had in a long while. Plus we've got a lot in common! We're thinking about joining a gym. Planet Fitness actually. Anyone go there? Pros? Cons? I need to get more active. I did get a Wii Fit for Christmas. I'm hoping that having that fat little mii looking at me will help motivate me. Though shouldn't the chubby me in the mirror be doing that already?

Now that I'm actually taking the time to sit down and type I can't think of much that I've been wanting to talk about. I made it through an entire year without going on antibiotics. I must say, for me that is fucking amazing. Having my tonsils removed has definitely been one of the best decisions of my life. I hate it that I waited so long to have it done. The cat's doing well - love that little Marco. WOrk is work...what else can I say?

Happy New Year

2010-01-02T23:42:00.001-05:00

Bummer

2009-12-11T00:02:00.000-05:00

I've put off discussing the results of the interview because I'm not a happy camper about it. Three candidates (including myself) interviewed for the position, and the person that was selected was the one that was least expected by most people NOT involved in the decision-making process. Needless to say, I am disappointed. I heard the biggest contributing factors that helped the unexpected candidate were things that happened way before my time. Translation....seniority? To make matters so much worse, the selected candidate's position is NOT being filled. It's been frozen by the powers that be, which is beyond comprehension for me. The person that was selected was on my team...so we went from 3 down to 2, which is more like down to 1.5 because trust me, the other person with me is hardly any help. Now I will say we'll be getting assistance, but fill-ins aren't any where near as helpful as a person who is officially in my position. I have access to things they won't. And it's access to things that are used frequently. So now if a fill-in gets a call about one of those things, they basically just take a message and I get to do it later. Super, more work for me. And if this time is anything like the last time we needed fill-ins, it's going to be as busy and stressful as fuck, I'll end up working through my lunch part of the time, and I'll have to listen to them bitch about how they don't want to be there. Well that makes two of us.

Waiting Is The Hardest Part

2009-11-22T23:18:00.001-05:00

I interviewed for a new position with the same company this past Friday. I know they want it filled quickly, so I'm hoping to hear something during this short week. Rumor has it that it's down to me and one other candidate. I've had people tell me I've got the upper hand because I'm an internal candidate and the other person is not, but we'll see. I'll be pretty disappointed if I don't get it. Most positions within the company are frozen, so the opportunities to move are few and far between. I feel very underutilized where I am, and it's resulting in boredom for me. I think I'm mentioned it before, I'm getting bored so I'm snacking more. I know when I open that pack of nabs I'm not hungry, but it's something to do.

Still not excited about Thanksgiving. Usually when I go the parents house Mom and I will go out shopping, but I'm not in the mood for battling the Black Friday crowds. There are no big ticket items that I want this year. I've got the big HD TV, I've got the gaming systems. Unless I feel like getting an XBox 360. Which I don't. Most of those games are too tough...I'll stick with the Wii. If I don't go shopping, there's not a lot else to do. I do plan on bring my new (actually used) golf clubs home. Heck, they're already in the trunk of my car. Plus a few wiffle golf balls, regular golf balls, and foam golf balls. Hopefully the weather will cooperate.

I'm kind of surprised we're not doing more for the holidays. Mom used to say she felt guilty for having to board Sable when we went somewhere. Now that she's gone I thought the folks might travel more. I wonder if not going to MA for Christmas has to do with me and my displease about traveling from last year. When I agreed to ride in the car with my mom, I did so thinking it was only going to be me and her in the car. In the end it was all four of us, and I had to spend over 12 hours in a crowded seat with hardly any room for my feet. I would have gladly shelled out the money to fly. I just didn't want Mom riding alone.

Another Dream

2009-11-19T23:22:00.002-05:00

Had another weird dream last night, this time about babies & beer! I dreamt that I dropped off my baby at daycare, and then went to the store to pick up some beer and head to a party. I decided on a 12 pack of the Saranac Trail Mix. I think that's what they call their variety pack of beer. Anyways...when I opened the box I saw that some of the beers had been opened and partially drank. What was really weird was they didn't look like beer bottles, more the Sobe juice bottles. Well it's weird to think about now, in my dream I didn't care. I was so angry at the fact that they had been opened, but the party-goers were encouraging me to head back to the store so that I could show the management and exchange my beer for an unopened case. I was trying to get back to the store when I realized it was after 7:00 pm and I still hadn't picked up my baby from daycare! I started to panic, worried that the daycare would call Social Services and they'd take the baby from me, or worse, they would call my mom!

Bah Humbug

2009-11-15T02:04:00.001-05:00

As of right now, I'm in no mood for the holidays. I don't feel like having Thanksgiving or the whole madness of Black Friday that will ruin the entire weekend for me. If I go to my parents house it'll be just me, them, and my brother for some part of the weekend. I love my brother, I love my mother, and I like my dad at times. But you put the 4 of us together and there will undoubtedly be fighting. Why do I want to go home to a stressful weekend (even if it is a long weekend) when I get plenty of stress at work. Not appealing. And that's even including all of the holiday traffic that I'll have to deal with. There will be traffic regardless. There's no such thing as a simple trip to the store. Even grocery stores are absurdly busy.

And then there's Christmas. Sigh....more traveling. Will I be in NC? In MA? Last year's trip to MA was awful. Sixteen hours crammed in the back of a car with so much stuff that it overflowed into my seat. And endless questions when I arrived. My answer was standard, to not ask me because I didn't know anything. Quite frankly I'm not in the mood to get a present for anyone. Well, not true. I'll get something for my brother. I have no clue what to get my parents, and I've already said I'm not in the mood to go shopping in the crowds.

I Chuckled

2009-11-11T11:21:00.002-05:00

The stereo in my car will display the artist and title of the song currently playing on some of the channels. Last night "Every Rose Has Its Thorns" was playing, and I was drawing a blank on the band. I was thinking it's Poison, but I wasn't sure, so I looked over at the display to have my suspicions either confirmed or denied. Well, apparently 98.7 doesn't care who the artist is, they don't like the song! Hehe that made me laugh!

On My Mind

2009-11-04T23:41:00.003-05:00

I've read before that your dreams are your body's way of processing short-term memories into long-term memories, and I've said before that I can see that in my dreams. Things that have recently taken place in my life show up in my dreams. Lately the topic of my dreams has been my bathroom, and I can explain why. One day I was flushing the toilet in my bathroom and I noticed water running down from the handle. Later, upon further inspection, I realized that the water wasn't coming from the handle, it was running down from the lid. I took the top off of the tank and flushed, and I noticed that the top of the fill valve was squirting water up like a geyser - not cool. I went to Lowes, described my problem, and walked out with a new fill valve. One of BGF's handy friends change the part for me. He had never done it before, but he changed that piece in no time, and did it perfectly. And yet, for some reason, I was paranoid something was wrong. Or maybe is wrong? I've still kept my eye on it, but there's definitely no more water spraying. So why do my dreams constantly revolve around that toilet and leaks? I dream that the it leaks so badly that the floor beneath is rots and caves, that my shower tiles fall off of a crumbling wall. Why!? It's fixed! Stop thinking about it. Stupid brain, shut up and let me sleep in peace! Though I will admit, if I wake up and don't remember my dreams, that feels more strange that having these stupid dreams.

I've had some other stuff on my mind, and I've tried a few times to sit down and write about it, but my frustrations get the better of me and I end up with nonsensical tirades that even annoy me to read, and I know what I'm talking about. Let's say management at work sure knows how to destroy morale. A person very dear to me decided to destroy every bit of self-esteem I have during an intimate moment. I've poorly managed my finances lately. Everything's related, intertwined, and I know I need to work it all out, but I've become my own enemy in dealing with all of this. At the moment I don't know how to fix this, and I'm having a hard time talking it out. Very aggravating.

Spooky

2009-11-02T22:05:00.000-05:00

I thought this was cute! My lil spooky Marco on aHalloween mat!

Saving Kittehs

2009-10-29T15:53:00.001-04:00

So did you guys see this article on WRAL? Personally, I think it's awesome that he decided to leave his hard earned money to kitties. If people would be more responsible with their animals we wouldn't need cat rescue organizations, but since we have them, it's awesome to know someone is generously donating to help those groups. What really kills me are all of the comments on this article. One person commented that, he "...obviously had 'issues' that affected his judgment...". And sadly, a lot of people agreed. Another said, "Pets are like cheap watches. They only last a small part of your life. And when they die, you throw it away and get another one." I totally disagree with that...they're members of the family, and should be treated as such. They are not some material object. There were plenty of comments that supported his decision, and also some that said while they didn't agree, it was his decision to make, and he could spend his money however he wanted. I was also annoyed by the people that said if you did agree, what a sad and lonely life you must live choosing animals over people. I agree with the posters that said that loving animals and loving people are not mutually exclusive.

BEST GAME EVER

2009-10-14T23:01:00.002-04:00

Tonight was seriously my best soccer game ever. I was really nervous about playing. Monday was my first outdoor game, and I was on the field the entire time. Today my legs were really feeling it. I'm currently the only girl on the indoor team, which means I'm on the field the whole time or we play a man down while I take a break. I figured, no way, I'm tough, I can stick it out. Apparently I was so tired prior to the game starting that I failed to remember I'm a chubby old lady! Anyways, I call it my best game ever because guess who scored TWO goals? Yep! That'd be me!!! What's really funny to me is I can't really remember them to tell you the details. I do remember after the first one went in I threw my arms up and screamed, "YES!". I told my teammate I was so happy I considered the game a win in my book, even though that goal only broke up their shutout to make the score 2-1. I couldn't believe it...I kicked the ball and it went in! I cannot even put into words how good it felt to score that goal. And then, a little later, it happened again! Absolutely remarkable I tell ya! It wasn't just scoring that made the game so awesome for me, I felt like I was more aggressive, even though my poor legs were spent. I did have another shot that missed the goal, but man did it have some oomph behind it. It made such a boom when it hit the wall it startled me. And I even had another shot (if you want to call it that) that was too high. Me! Shooting to high! It's crazy!

Lazy Lady

2009-10-06T08:09:00.001-04:00

I wonder if that lady was giving me a nasty look because she heard me call her lazy for not walking down two flights of stairs. Look nasty all you want lady, that's why my ass is no wear near as big as yours.

Walk Pics

2009-09-29T16:18:00.006-04:00

A solar trash compactor:

A train going over a bridge:

A pretty butterfly:

The back of a speed limit sign:

Play?

2009-09-22T23:43:00.002-04:00

Last night I went and watched BGF's outdoor soccer game by myself. I went up into the stands and sat with the mother of the girl that plays on and organized the team. Girl's mom asked me if how I knew one of the players (ok really she asked me if I was his wife...hahahhahaha nope), so I explained that BGF and I met through work, and then that he and I and my supposed hubby all play indoor soccer together. Girl's Mom then asked why I wasn't playing outdoor. I explained BGF's reasoning (the big field, slow me) and Girl's mom said what I've heard quite a few times...isn't something better than nothing. I tried to change the subject, but it came up a few more times. It also came up after the game ended, when the mother suggested to Girl that I be asked to play. Girl looked at BGF in shock - it's not like he hasn't been aware of the problem of having no female subs and well shit, not even enough to play full strength!

Anyways, he shot me a look and quietly said, "I'm just trying to protect your feelings." My angry response? "Fuck you." Now that wasn't very nice of me, I know. So I didn't get an explanation of that until today. He's worried that I'll go out there, not do well, and give up. But maybe if I work on things in my own time I'd improve, and then when I did get to play I'd have more fun. The argument was even presented to him that how discouraging must it be for me not to even get the chance. And it is...it's nice to know that having nothing is better than having me.

Got A Raise!

2009-09-13T01:11:00.002-04:00

Doesn't that sound so exciting?! Yeah, it's not true...no raise for me. Not that I haven't been a exemplary employee - we're broke, no one's getting raises. But, I do have good news that's almost like a mini-raise. Starting at the beginning of next month I won't have to nearly as much for parking!! I'm going from $95 to $25! Holy crap...an extra $70 a month...that's $840 a year! I know it's not a lot, but hell yeah! I'll take it!

Worst Weekend

2009-09-08T14:28:00.001-04:00

Even with this weekend being a 3-day weekend, it sure was shitty. The news about Sable was really out of the blue. I knew Sable was going in on Friday for x-rays, and when I called my mom for updates that afternoon on my ride home from work, she wouldn't even talk to me because she was crying and didn't want me to cry while I was in the car. We had planned on golfing, so when I got to the course I called her and demanded to know what was up. I asked her if Sable would ever come home, and her answer was, "I don't know". So there went Friday.

On Saturday I bummed around waiting to hear from my mom, and then call came around 1:00 - Sable was gone. Wow...ok. There went Saturday. And most of Sunday. Every time I thought about her my heart just sank. I'd hit a moment where I'd wonder to myself why I was feeling so down, and then I'd remember and it would hurt all over.

I think my feelings about her magnified what happened last night. At one point GuyRoommate and I were sitting on the sectional downstairs and he commented that we were surrounded my kitties. My Marco was cuddled up with me, one of his kitties was stretched out on the lounge, and Grace (GirlRoommate's kitty) was sleeping next to him. It hit me then that we were short one kitty. Swats was no where to be seen. Oh well, it's a big house and there are plenty of places to hide. A few hours later as I was making my way upstairs to go to bed, I decided to peek around to see if I noticed Swats. Nope, no kitty. I went back downstairs and mentioned to GuyRoommate that the kitty was no where to be seen, so he suggested a few places to look. Nope, no kitty. The only place I hadn't looked was his bedroom, so he checked. Nope, no kitty. We looked all over the house. Nope, no kitty. None of our kitties are outdoor kitties, unless you count chilling on the second story deck. Even then, Swats only wants to be there if the door is left open and you're out there with her. GuyRoommate had been grilling out there, so I looked. Nope, no kitty. Not accidently locked in the garage either. He kept assuring me that she's gotten out before, but she's such a scaredy-cat that she never goes far. Oh yeah, then where is she?

At about 2:00 am GuyRoommate opens my bedroom door holding a purring Swats. She had been outside, somehow eluding us as we called her. At one point he decided to open the door to the garage again, and he saw her, sitting out in the driveway, next to my car. It's a good thing he told me, or I would have never gone to sleep. He guesses she was out awhile...he offered her a treat and she nearly took his finger off while gobbling it down. He set her next to the food bowl and she started munching away.

I have no idea when she disappeared. Sunday we were in and out of the house going into the garage, and the big garage door was open the whole time. Monday, in and out just a few times. I can't believe it took me so long to notice she was gone...she's a noisy cat. She'll stand in front of you while you're chilling on the couch and she'll meow and meow at you to lean over and pet her. She's a lil chatterbox.

What else made this weekend blow...shopping for clothes to fit my goofy shape is not fun. I haven't been feeling well. I'm not sure if it's allergies, sinus crap, or what. I do know when my head hurts so bad from the pressure that my teeth start to hurt I am not a happy person!

So Handsome

2009-09-07T20:40:00.002-04:00

GirlRoommate's kitty has a little wound on her neck from being bitten by something, and it won't get any better because she won't stop scratching it. We decided to try a dog shirt to see if the collar would cover the wound and prevent her from scratching. Before we put it on her we decided to let Marco wear it for a minute, just long enough for me to get a picture. Look at my handsome little guy!!

Best Dog Ever

2009-09-05T12:51:00.003-04:00

My mother called this morning to tell me she's gone. I knew this was coming...on Thursday Mom took her to the vet to get her routine shots and to ask some questions, why was she drinking so much, why does she have that odd spot on her back. The answer was a mix of diabetes and Cushing's disease. I won't go into all of the details, but after talking with the vet is was decided that regardless of what done in terms of treatment, she would still be suffering. She's the only dog I've ever had. My brother lived with a few guys right after graduating from college, and it was one of his roommates that got her. When they moved out of that house, Sable came to stay with me & Mom "just for a few weeks". She showed up infested with fleas and in heat. Mom was upset with my brother and the boys for taking such poor care of her. She did get Sable fixed, cleaned up the fleas and told him, "this is YOUR dog, not ours".

Fast forward 8 years, and while she still likes my brother, she knows knows her her mom and sissy are. I could stick my fingers in her mouth and pull out a partially eaten treat with no fear of a biting. Mom and I were the two people that could let her out to potty. Anyone else opens the door and she runs to one of us. Not anymore. Wow this hurts. I think I've cried more over this than when my grandfather died. I think it's because, with him he understood, and with her, I don't know if she did. But animals do understand more than I realize. After I hung up the phone I just laid on my bed and cried. Marco was right there with me, purring, nuzzling, and making muffins more that I've ever seen him do. Thanks kitteh, you have made mommeh feel better.

Not Playing

2009-08-30T21:23:00.002-04:00

So a few of you have said that I should make an effort and say regardless of my lack of athletic prowess that I want to play. I was going to bring it up to BGF the next time a conversation about soccer came up, but there has been so such opportunity. But you know what, that's ok. Fuck them...I don't want to play. Yeah, yeah, of course that's just all a front but you know what, if he doesn't want me to play, then fine. In the end it would be better than me having to put up with all of his fucking bitching. He's a very vocal player when he gets frustrated, and I can easily see how that might offend other people. Me, I've learned to let it slide like water off of a duck's back.

I Want To Play

2009-08-24T23:06:00.002-04:00

So BGF started playing outdoor soccer. The rules say you have that, out of the 11 plays on the field, 3 must be girls. The first game was rough on the 3 girls, they had no subs. At one point BGF commented to the chick in charge I may be interested in playing. On the ride home he told me that she knew of some others girls that were interested, but he did tell her about me. Tonight's game only had 1 chick. And nothing was said to me. Because they didn't have 2 other girls, they had to play down 2 people. I heard someone in the stands say that even two not so good girls would be better than nothing. OK, to be honest they said "even having two out of shape girls would be better than playing down 2 people." Um, hello!! ME!! When BGF initially mentioned me playing, I was interested. Later, when I said something to him about it, he commented he didn't think it was a good idea. He said while I do ok at indoor, outdoor is a different story. The field is bigger, so there's more running and passes need to be longer. I will not argue with that. I will also not argue that I'm not a very good player. But c'mon! I know I need more leg strength, but I see getting to play as some motivation...although yeah, I suppose you could argue I should work on that beforehand, that getting to play should be my motivation. Whatever, take my side here dammit!

Out Of Gas

2009-08-19T23:01:00.002-04:00

This week at work has been pure Hell. There are 3 of us on my team, and the other two been out of the office for training this week. Because the workload's too much for any one person, management pulled another person off of a different team to help out. It was great to have someone to help out, but the bad thing is because they're not normally on my team they don't have access to all of the things needed. So while they helped field calls, they couldn't solve some of the problems so they ended up in tickets to me. Next month I'll get to go to the same training, but it'll be better for my usual teammates because the two of them will be there together. I'm not mad at my teammates for being left alone, but I am mad about their attitudes. I can't even think of where to start. If you're calling me, and I don't answer the first four times, then don't call. I know you're just calling to chat, and I don't have time for it. And when I do tell you I'm busy, don't call me grouchy. You would be too if people were bugging you when you already have plenty to do. And then I heard the training let out early, and everyone just went home. Hmm...you know I'm busy, you know the other team is short-handed because they have to help me, and you know work is building up, but you'd rather dick over everyone else because you're selfish? Yep, that's what it all boils down to for me, the selfishness of others. This is why I hate being nice. I feel like I am a kind, considerate person, and yet, most everyone else is not. Do you ever not think of yourself?

Good Start

2009-08-04T00:02:00.002-04:00

We had a good start to our soccer season tonight. I think the final score was 8-3. While it's exciting and all that we won, you should have seen the teams playing before our game. Wow...are they really in the same league? Isn't this supposed to be the beginning level? At least we won't go winless this season. I feel like whenever I get the ball I lose all of my hearing. No, that's not entirely true, I do hear "drop" sometimes...but tonight I was facing the wall and all I heard was, "c'mon Kim!" Umm...c'mon what? Shoot? Off wall? Man on? My shoe's untied? A little more descriptive please. And like I said, maybe it's just I don't hear what's being said.

What's Up?

2009-08-01T23:57:00.002-04:00

Not much going on over here. I'm on round 3 of steroids to help with this fucking poison ivy, but it is getting better. I was told that if this didn't fix it I should go to a dermatologist. I think I'll be fine after this round, but if not I will be back here asking for referrals.

I went and saw "The Ugly Truth" last night. I'm not going to say it was a bad movie, it's just not my kind of movie. I think I'm just one not for romantic comedies. I want more swearing, more guns, and more stuff that blows up. Or some drama. I dunno...the character of Abby was just annoying to me. But again, I'm not saying it's a bad movie, just not my kind of movie.

Work's been a little frustrating lately. No surprises there. Some people just amaze me...not knowing the difference between shift & caps lock, not understanding why their computer still works (a laptop with a battery) but not the printer during a power outage. And because it's the first of the month I'm peeved about my $95/mo parking bill. I have to pay to park my car at work. Well, I guess that's the problem, I'm not really parking at work. We do own a garage, and it's only $25/mo., but I haven't been there long enough to qualify to park there. The people that do park there are the ones that have been around longer and have the higher paying jobs. I'd be ecstatic to get to park there. Yeah, I realize it's only saving $70 buck per month...but uh, hello! It's $70 per month. But it sounds a lot better to say I pay $300/year to park as opposed to $1140. Sigh.....

That extra $840 would certainly help me with my newest hobby. I've been learning to play golf. Or should I say "play" golf. The roommates play. She's had lessons from a pro, him I'm not sure if he's ever had professional lessons but he knows how to play, and can do quite well. Me, I feel like a bumbling idiot out there. A few people have told me if you feel awkward then you are doing it right. We've gone and played 9 holes and also have gone to the driving range. I borrow her clubs, but should this ever become something serious for me I'd need to invest in my own clubs that are either custom made or ones that are petite sized. GirlRoommate is at least 5 inches taller than I am, her clubs aren't the best for me. It's tough...do I go spend money on something I'm not sure if I'll want to stick with (wow this is an expensive hobby), or would I be more inclined to want to keep playing if I had properly sized stuff to be play with, which would in turn help my game.

What another babble would I like to discuss...GirlRoommate is out of town next weekend and then both roommates the weekend after that. Awesome! Some "me" time! I'll probably be bored and lonely out of my mind...not used to having so much alone time. Maybe I'll invite my mom to come up. She has yet to see where I live or my lil Marco yet. Speaking of Marco, he's getting bigger. And still a mama's boy. I took a nap earlier this afternoon and he was all about cuddling up with me. He was good sleeping in my lap for awhile, but in true Marco fashion he decided to come and curl up on my head. You know you're tired when you can sleep with a cat on your face.

Another Itch Update

2009-07-27T23:10:00.003-04:00

Really? Seriously? IT'S NOT GONE YET. I don't know what the hell is wrong with me by dammit I am so sick and tired of this. I've been through two rounds of steroids which seem to not be doing a whole lot. I keep debating on whether or not to go back to the doctor or should I just resign to the fact that it's going to take my body awhile to get over. I go through times where I itch beyond belief, and then times like right now where I'm ok. We've even been wondering if something else is going on. I haven't changed soaps, shampoo, laundry detergent, lotion, or anything like that. Since I first noticed the poison ivy I've washed my sheets way more that I ever have. I feel like a leper.

Itch Update

2009-07-14T22:30:00.002-04:00

I have noticed more poison ivy spots appear so I decided to go back to the doctor today. I said just say so if I was being impatient, but the doctor agreed that with my first round of steroids we'd hope no new spots would appear. She also did stress that I'm not contagious, and I'm not reinfecting myself, it's the allergens are still in my system and showing their ugly head. I've got another round of steroids to start after this round ends on Friday. I also have an antihistamine to help with the itchy, but the doc did warn me it may cause drowsiness. Yep, I feel it...tired and my head is fuzzy. But my legs are restless and jumpy. I feel like I'm being pulled into 2 different directions, and I am not liking this. Tired and restless, that is not cool!

Itchy & Scratchy

2009-07-12T23:14:00.002-04:00

Last Monday I decided to trim back the English Ivy in our front yard. If we don't watch it it'll grow up onto the porch. After a walk, when I was all sweaty & nasty, I grabbed the hedge clippers and trimmed back the ivy. While I was out there I was attacked by mosquitoes, but apparently there was more. I thought all of the red spots I was seeing was just the bug bites, but bug bites don't spread like my spots were! Turns out I have something poison ivy-ish. I'm not 100% sure that it's poison ivy, which is okay because the treatment is pretty much the same. A steroid shot in the ass followed up by 6 days of steroid pills. I got the shot on Friday and started by pills on Saturday, and things are getting better, but I want it gone NOW. This sucks. It's on my left shin, on my right leg it's on the side and behind my knee in the bend. It's also on my neck and my chest. I've been reading some online things to help with the itch because my calamine lotion is doing jack shit. Apply acetone or nail polish with acetone in it...that burns. I imagine bleach would do the same thing. When I get hot it gets worse. Oh, and do you know what the doctor said to me - "Let your husband take care of the yardwork!"

Hrmph

2009-07-09T00:53:00.002-04:00

Not in the mood to talk tonight. Soccer game sucked, I played awful. Then I burned my effing index finger on my right hand when making dinner. And to top it all off...I'm a little achy - like getting sick achy. Grr!

Baby Dreamin'

2009-07-05T11:16:00.003-04:00

Had another pregnant dream last night. I don't remember a whole lot of it, but I do know that I was waiting for someone else's wedding to finish so that mine could begin. I just had to get married before my baby was born. As usual, I'm not sure who the baby daddy was, and it wasn't important. I'm not even sure if the father was the groom!

Guest House

2009-07-04T23:55:00.004-04:00

Today I went along with the roommates while they went furniture shopping. There were a few things on their list, one being a new couch. Right now, downstairs in the basement, is my couch, chair, and coffee & end tables. I think those are the only things of mine that reside outside of my bedroom. It's perfect furniture if it's the 3 of us, but if we have company over there's not a lot of seating. Let's be honest, on a couch that has 3 cushions, it's really only comfy for two people, one on each end. My furniture will really not suffice when football season rolls around. I spent last fall living on the roommates' couch watching the games, and that's before we were roommates. And it was usually me plus at least one other person. The furniture we sat on back then is an awesome sectional that's in a different room in this house, not in the basement where the badass tv and surround sound are.

For me, the trip was a little depressing. I really do think it's because I use all of their stuff that this doesn't feel like home. And now I'm losing the one thing that's mine. That's not to say when the new furniture arrives we're completely getting rid of my stuff, but it's not going to be in a heavily used room. But it will be cast aside. Maybe "cast" is a harsh word. Moved aside, put aside, out of the way. Heck it might even end up in a storage unit.

I guess I should really be thinking about the deeper meaning of all of this...why is it so necessary that I have "my stuff" when I'm in a house that I'm constantly reminded is my home? The possessive feelings are on my side, not theirs. I guess if I'm really honest with myself it has to do with the lack of accomplishment in my life. A couch is all I have to show for it. At times, in every aspect of my life it feels like there's nothing but failure. Work, relationships, financial stability, hell, even my weight = failure. One would think that at my age I'd be doing something more that what boils down to an entry-level position. Especially considering the time I spent (wasted) on education. And with that entry-level position comes my entry-level salary. I'm practically living month-to-month on my paycheck, supporting no one but myself. At this point in my life shouldn't I be picking out furniture for my house? My own house that I don't even have. I can't afford to live in the area I want, not without selling vital organs and babies on the black market. Maybe that means I should change my wants. Start being realistic and quit this foolish day dreaming. I never thought things would be like this. That's not to say that things are all bad, just not the way I imagined them, and while it may seem like I'm saying everything is horrible, that's just how it feels at the moment, and it doesn't always feel like this.

A Marco Pic

2009-07-04T23:54:00.002-04:00

I Want Lazy

2009-06-29T22:54:00.003-04:00

Lately I've been in the mood to just chill out and hang at home, but it's just not happening. This past weekend at the wine blending party was a very good time, but I came home and was beyond exhausted. Between drinking, sleeping in a different bed, and sharing that different bed, I did not sleep well. When I got home yesterday, I took a shower, then put on my pjs - it was 1:30. Tonight was dinner with Ex-Cubicle Neighbor. Tomorrow's Big Slow Tom's Trivia, then on Wednesday it's soccer. So far nothing's planned for Thursday. I do have Friday off of work, and right now I so desperately want that day to chill out at home and do nothing. At first I was pretty gun-ho about having the house to myself, but now I don't really care if others are here, just so long as if I want to nap on my couch I can. Man I just want to be at home doing nothing. It feels like lately even when I am at home I have stuff to do. Make my lunch for tomorrow, clean the kitty litter boxes, do laundry. Now I realize none of those things are complicated, I just think it's the feeling of always going and/or doing, and dammit I just want a break!

A Few Updates

2009-06-27T01:50:00.002-04:00

No big news, just thought I'd drop by and say hi. Overall things are going well. Two weeks ago in soccer some jackhole practically stomped on my leg giving me a nice bone bruise...it's been getting better, slowly. This healing process needs to hurry theh hell up. When it happened I commented to a friend I didn't know which would happen first, if I was going to cry or vomit from the pain. Dammit it hurt. But things are getting better, I just find it funny that it seems like it's that leg that Marco always wants to rub up against.

Speaking of Marco, he's still cute as ever. He did attack my hand the other night, leaving some little kitty claw scratches on my hand. Those also hurt, like little paper cuts. I think I've figured something out though, he likes his belly to be rubbed, but not his chest. I'll have to remember that.

I'm almost done with my whole car headache. I've gotten rid of my old one and now I just need to transfer the tags to my new one. And drop some cash to pay some property tax on the car since it's coming from out of state. Yay I love spending lots of money!

Hmm...nothing else fun and exciting going on. Well I guess that's not entirely true. I'm going out of town tomorrow for a friend's wine club blending party. I'm not 100% sure how things are going to work, but we're trying to make a new blended wine. I'm kinda nervous, I don't drink much any more, and I'm worried that I'm gonna be hammered after an hour or two and then crash earlier or end up with my head in the toilet. Oh I hope not!

Babies On The Brain

2009-06-22T23:08:00.003-04:00

Have I had my "I don't want kids" rant on here? I suppose I could go back and look, but, well, that would require me putting forth some effort. Why do that when I can just run off at the mouth (or fingers)? We've got a prego at work that's due in the next two weeks. On my soccer team is another prego. Ok, she doesn't play anymore, but the hubby/babydaddy does. Last night a good friend from college was in town and stayed the night. Yep, she's prego too. Of course there's nothing wrong with having kids. Wait for me there is, but everyone else, nothing wrong. I to a point don't even mind baby/kid conversation (keep your gross stories to yourself)...I like other people's kids, just not the idea of my own. I think that one shouldn't think of parenthood as a sacrifice. It's more like a trade-off. Sure, I can't do blah blah anymore, but who cares, I get to do yada yada instead! I just don't foresee parenthood being for me. Yes yes easy for me to say right now because I'm single, of course, you need not remind me of that. But even when I think that sure, some day I'd like to be married, that's where that thought stops. Yep, like to be married. Oh wait, maybe get a dog. Marco was sitting in my lap the other night, and I was looking down on him thinking, "My God I love this cat. I really and honestly love him with all of my heart." Then for a moment I imagined the creature in my lap being a baby and not my awesomely awesome kitteh. AUGH! I think I'd spend most of my time as a parent trying to figure out a way to get rid of the kid. At least with the cat I can leave him for a few days with some chow, water, and a half-clean litter box!

Girly Bitching

2009-06-18T23:06:00.002-04:00

Since I just wrote a post that was all sorts of whiny, why not keep it going, right? Work...not even gonna go there. Let's talk about my weight. So after two months of weighing in over my goal weight at Weight Watchers I quit going. Over the the last few months I've put on 10 lbs. Yeah, I know 10 pounds isn't a whole lot, but when you're not very tall, I think it's more noticeable. The weight doesn't have a lot of room to spread out, it just all kind of pools in the middle. Before we went on vacation I had been doing a mix of running & walking after work. Then we went on vacation and I ate like a little moo-cow. After vacation ended I planned on getting back on track, but excuses kept cropping up. The day after my vacation ended I had a soccer game. In my first 2 seconds on the field some asshat kicked me on my right shin. The bruise is still coming out. It slightly uncomfortable to walk and more painful to run. Last night's game wasn't too bad...I wore tall socks under my shinguards (which really prevented a lot of damage, NOT). Anyways, between my sore leg and the friggin heat I have no desire to go out and do something physical. But even before vacation when I was doing stuff it didn't seem like it was getting any easier, and that was quite frustrating. Ugh...ok, I'm done!

Still Homeless

2009-06-18T22:53:00.003-04:00

I've mention before that it doesn't quite feel like home yet, living with the roommates. I swear to you I'm not unhappy, just still not settled. Even my dreams are about me trying to find my place at home. The other night I dreamt that I had been spending the summer living with my current roommates, and summer was coming to an end so I had a decision to make. Would I continue living with them, or would I move back to my own place which I was still paying rent on, and live there while I finished my last semester of school? School, yeah really...that was quite some time ago! In the end I decided to move back to my own place and live alone. I think a lot of it is we don't use a lot of my stuff...99% of what's in the kitchen is their stuff. And that makes sense...there's no reason to have two sets of dishes or pots & pans. I know I'm dwelling on this, but it bothers me...I mentioned one dream, but it's happened a few times. When I refer to the house, I don't say "my home", even after the roommates have corrected me a few times!

Stop Coughing!

2009-06-16T19:21:00.002-04:00

I may have mentioned this before, my things have been very different since having my tonsils out last November. I remember my ENT saying my quality of life would greatly improve after having them out. In the days after my surgery when I was vomiting up everything I was bummed at times...I felt like things were never going to get better. Then Spring came and went, and while my allergies did bother me, looking back it's easy to see that they were a millions times better than in years past. Now I'm at my next challenge - can I be around sick people and not catch what they have! GuyRoommate started it...he got sick on vacation. He passed it on to my coworker that went with us, and now GirlRoommate has it, too. My coworker that came on the trip sits in the same cube as me. There's one other person in the cube, and guess what, she's sick also! So far, amazingly enough, I'm ok. I did have a scratchy throat yesterday, and I've coughed and sneezed a few times, but so far so good! I'm nervous though...it seems like everyone has a cold, but GirlRoomate's developed bronchitis and is on antibiotics. Scary!! But I can resist! Now if you'll excuse me, I'm gonna go get a glass of OJ.

Pay Yer Bills

2009-06-15T23:38:00.002-04:00

After I got home today I headed upstairs to make a pit stop in the ladies room before heading out for an easy run. I flushed the toilet like normal then headed off to find the roommies before heading out. And that's when the fun discussion started. We have no water. Turns out GuyRoommate thought he paid the water bill, which he did not. GirlRoommate found the delinquency letter, unopened, in a stack of mail. He was mad, she was upset, and me - I laughed. What can you do? Haha it totally sucks that we can't keep flushing the toilet like normal and I'm not getting a shower in the morning, but heck, it's one night and it won't be that bad. I bought a few gallons of drinking water so we can wash up a little, brush the ol' teeth. And all of the kitties have plenty to drink. I don't know why, but I find the whole situation comical!

Not Your Bag

2009-06-10T23:30:00.002-04:00

So I forgot to mention my little luggage mix-up while on vacation. The roommies let me borrow a small suitcase to take on the trip. It's a nice bright blue color, quite easy to recognize at the baggage claim, or so we thought...we saw the suitcase and I yelled at GuyRoommate to grab it. Then we stood and waited and waited for his bag to come through. Once we had it (not quite a 5 minute wait) we moved on to the rental car area and waited and waited to get our car. After we got the keys we headed outside, tossed our bags in the car and waited and waited in line to leave the airport. It was during that wait that the kind folks at Southwest called to inform us I had the wrong suitcase. As we sat in line I hopped out of the car and checked the trunk - sure enough, I had the wrong bag. We told them as soon as we could get through the rental car exit line we'd swing back by and drop off the wrong suitcase and get mine. When I walked in the baggage office I saw my suitcase, which was in every way identical to the one I had snagged off the conveyor belt. I chatted with the Southwest ladies, us all laughing about how I grabbed the wrong bag, how identical the bags were, and how we were glad the mistake was caught so quickly.

And that's when I became slightly annoyed. One of the Southwest ladies mentioned that the bag's owner saw us grab her suitcase. Now if I saw someone take my suitcase I'd be hurdling small children (they'd have to be really small) and shoving old people to ensure someone didn't walk off with my shit. And if you remember, we stood around and waited a few minutes on our other bag before we even left the baggage claim area. Would it have been that hard to walk over and say something? I think not. Thanks you lazy bitch for wasting our time. Even though I was in and out pretty quick, security made the gang move the car, so I had to stand on the sidewalk while they circled back around to get me. At least we hadn't actually started our 3 hour car ride, right?

Hogar Dulce Casero

2009-06-10T00:11:00.002-04:00

Translation: Home sweet home! Ok, not really. Well, that is the correct translation, but I think that phrase implies I'm happy to be home. I don't dislike being home, but you know I'd rather still be on vacation.

And what a vacation it was! We flew out to the Florida Keys last Friday morning. We stayed at Tranquility Bay in Marathon. The place was beautiful, like a 3 bedroom townhouse, pretty close to the pool. I'll post some pictures on Flickr later. Friday we just hung out, visited the pool, went out to dinner and shopped a little, getting groceries and a few other things to have around the house.

Saturday we headed down to Key West to wander around and take in the sites. While we were there we went to the aquarium...I got to pet a shark! It was a nurse shark, and I petted it on the tail, nothing to worry about. Key West was fun, but holy shit was it hot!! After Key West it was back to our place and chilling in the pool.

On Sunday we rented a boat...a 21' powerboat. Friday and Saturday did have some rain, but it was late at night. It also rained on Sunday, and it happened while we were out on the boat heading to the Sombrero Reef Lighthouse. That was a little unnerving....we could see the dark clouds heading our way and we knew we were screwed...there was no getting out of the way of the storm. The sky eventually cleared up and we made our way to the lighthouse for a little bit of snorkeling. All I can say is AWESOME!

Monday we headed to the Bahai Honda State Park to hang out on the beach. While we were there we decided to take their snorkeling tour. We were only able to spend an hour in the water out at the Looe Key. If I thought Sombrero Reef was awesome, then Looe Key was 10x more awesome! We saw a grouper that was as big as I am...freaking scary and awesome. I missed the nurse shark swimming around, but there was one. It was a beautiful day so I'm sure that helped to make this trip better that our first snorkeling trip. Monday ended with dinner at Benihana. Mmm...delicious! I did find it hilarious that our chef worked for the Kanki in Crabtree and Sono downtown.

Vacation

2009-06-08T10:06:00.002-04:00

Today's the last full day of my vacation. Dammit if I don't have a sunburn and today is going to be our beach day, but I'm still going. Keeping a shirt on. We're going to Bahai Honda, which rumor has it is one of the 10 most beautiful beaches in the world. Yay!

When It Rains, It Pours

2009-06-04T23:22:00.003-04:00

So frustrated right now that I imagine this post, if I publish it, could quite possibly end up being an incoherent mess of swearing and sentence fragments. Let me start with soccer...that's something that has me frustrated, but I need to remember it's a game and this is all for fun.

Last season it seems that we had really come together as a team and we were playing with awesome chemistry. This year we have a few new players, lost some old ones, and things aren't quite flowing smoothly. I think we have too many people on our team. And if that wasn't bad enough, one of the players last night couldn't make it, so his buddy who is also on the team brought in an extra person. While that person did play well, it's not fair to the folks sitting on the bench that paid to play. If I were those guys, I'd be livid. I also don't understand how we end up with some of the lineups we have. One of our best players seemed to be stuck on defense a lot...personally I like it when he's our midfielder and playing both ways.

Next there's work...I'm not even sure where to begin. I've already decided I'm going to die at an early age and it's going to be a heart attack. Or a stroke, that's possible too. A mix of clients and coworkers, by the end of the day my head hurt so bad I felt nauseous. One of my coworkers that typically works in another building was in mine today working on a special project. I felt so bad, he asked me how I was doing and before I could help it the tears started running. Now it wasn't the ugly girl cry (you know the one I mean) it was just tears, but they were tears nonetheless. I feel like again I've gotten myself into a job that promises of opportunities for growth, yet I'm stuck where I'm at. The economy certainly isn't helping things - yay hiring freeze! Recently I found out that the big dogs are considering giving me and my coworker some extra responsibilities. While I'm all for learning more, I want that knowledge to come from a more technical perspective. So far it looks like our new workload with consist of administrative duties. Great...that's gonna help me go far. Look at me! I can use a fax machine! Shall I make another pot of coffee with I copy and collate this handout for you?

Hmm...just went through and reread some of what I wrote. Not bad...now I'll admit I pretty much just scanned over things, but I see no typos (but if there were, no fear I can order white-out now) and the sentences look like they might be complete thoughts. Go me!

Sitting Here

2009-05-31T16:35:00.003-04:00

So for the first time in an incredibly long time I'm sitting here and just doing nothing. GuyRoommate is sitting next to me playing XBox and GirlRoommate is over in the chair reading a book. Ah...a nice Sunday afternoon. I'm surfing the web and that's pretty much it. I have no desire to get up and do anything (thought the kitty litter boxes do need to be changed), but nope, I'm not doing a thing. Ah...lazy Sunday. This is fabulous!

Homeless

2009-05-29T23:50:00.003-04:00

I'm chilling at my mom's house for the night. Had to take care of a few things for her that required my presence here. It's weird to sit in my old room, for as much as it still has things of mine, there's a lot different as well. I still say that I'm "going home" when I come here, but it's not home, and it hasn't been for a long time. With that said, I still don't feel settled in my new place. Everything's pretty much put away....the only thing I can think of that's out of place is a Rubbermaid shoebox sitting on the bed in the spare room. And that's just because I've been lazy and haven't tossed it into the top of my closet. I wonder if the unsettled feeling is because I haven't really spent that much time there. I've lived in the house for 3 months now, but at times I feel like I'm on the go so much that I'm just making pit stops at home. I would like to stress that the roommates and I get along fabulously, and there are certainly no problems on that front. At times I still feel like I'm there visiting even when we're sitting on my couch! I dream about moving, though it's almost always about me busting ass to find a place to live before the school semester starts. GuyRoommate and I were talking the other day, and I made a comment about "your house" and he corrected me to say "our house". Still doesn't feel that way.

No Babies

2009-05-29T01:02:00.002-04:00

My mom and I were talking this morning, and she was excitedly telling me about how my cousin's little girl likes her. She would call my mom by name, happy to see her, happy to have my mom hold her. Mom was so thrilled that she and the WeeOne were such buddies. I asked if that made her want grandkids, and her answer, "No." Ah, that's good to hear Mom because this girl doesn't plan on having any! I just thought it was funny how she gushed and gushed over the WeeOne and then did an immediate reversal at the thought of it being her own grandkid. Ah I laughed!

Not Good Start

2009-05-27T23:15:00.002-04:00

Last season was a pretty good season for the indoor soccer team. I think we ended up 6-3, and we also won our first playoff game. This season we've started 0-2. That's not cool, not cool at all! Last season we seemed to have a real good chemistry, and this season not so much. We do have new players so I think we'll need some time to adjust, figure out where people like to play, what they're good at. Me, I admit things aren't much better. I do get some good plays in, but BGF and I were talking, and while I do have my good plays I still feel like I have a lot more that aren't. I'm also trying to run a little on my off days...it doesn't seem like I'm getting any better at it. Stupid out of shape body, running is fun!

SIT DOWN!

2009-05-25T22:36:00.003-04:00

Sometimes I wonder if I need to research Adult ADD, because I swear I am incapable of sitting down and just relaxing. Today GirlRoomie and I sat down and watched "Get Smart" and I was able to focus on the movie, but once it was over I was off. In the kitchen, doing dishes, cutting up a pineapple and a watermelon. Oh wait, gotta run upstairs and fold some clothes so that I can move the next load over into the dryer. I changed the sheets on my bed, put away a few random things floating around in my room. After I changed the kitty litter boxes I took out the trash. Both of the roomies were even calling me anal retentive the other night. I was in my kitchen cleaning mode when GuyRoomie was taking the last few bites off of his plate. I stood there in anticipation, "gimme the plate so I can put it in the dishwasher!" Yes, I know he could handle it, but I working in that kitchen. I don't think I have a lack of focus, just more of an inability to sit still.

I've been this way for awhile...I'm awful at watching movies by myself because I always think of other things I can be up and doing. Sigh...I feel like I'm not conveying my thoughts very well here, almost like I should be talking about two separate issues (my inability to sit still and my anal retentiveness) but I'm just smashing the two together. When I lived by myself I had to do everything myself. If dishes were dirty it was my fault and I needed to clean them up. If things were dumped all over the living room they were my things and it was my responsibility to put them in their place. Maybe part of my need to be neat is that I'm used to the idea that if things are out of order it's my fault and I need to take care of it, and my mind is still set in that mode of thought. Dishes? I need to do them. Even the roomies give me a hard time, that I need to quit doing stuff and sit down. I try, but I wonder what else I should be doing right now?

Road Warrior

2009-05-20T16:16:00.000-04:00

unday I made my longest car trip ever! I drove back from Massachusetts all by myself - 833 miles and it took me 13 hours, plus a 45 minute nap. I was pretty nervous before I started...that's a long ass ride, but to be honest, it wasn't that bad. Seriously, I could do it again, and even when I pulled into the driveway I felt like I could have kept going. On the advice of a few others I snagged an audiobook - Dan Brown's "Angels & Demons". It was nice to listen to that...I left at 9:30 and listened to the book until after 4:00. The only disappointing part was that I wasn't going to be able to finish it on my trip. I wonder if I know anyone that owns the book...oh well.

The trip to MA wasn't too bad. As always, it was great to see my family. The purpose of the trip was to spread my grandfather's ashes in his garden. It was a short little ceremony, if you want to call it that. My mom spoke for a moment, then spread some of the ashes in the garden. Then she gave the bag to my aunt and she spread more throughout the garden. It was emotional to watch, but I didn't really cry. A few tears did roll when my mom's voice started shaking. As I've said before, he was ready to go and if that's the case, there's no reason for me to be upset. What was upsetting about the trip was seeing my grandmother upset. At one point she hugged my mom as mom was spreading some ashes in a flowerbed, and it seemed like she just leaned into my mom so much. It was a heavy hug, and it's hard to see my grandmother like that. It was also hard to listen to her yell and argue with my mom later on. My grandmother doesn't want to stay in her house all alone with all of those responsibilities, so she's moving to a senior living facility near the rest of my family. She's excited about going, but yet it's hard to leave the house she's lived in for almost 60 years. Especially when that place is significantly smaller. She'll just have to get there and see how everything is going to fit, and throw stuff out later if need be.

Have I mentioned that I'm going on vacation soon? 15 more days! I am SO excited. I think this is my first real vacation. Well, I did go on a cruise when I was in college - but that's all I can think of. I've got a few new bathing suits (thank you Old Navy), some new shorts & tanks. A couple of friends, a beach house resort and a boat, it's gonna be awesome!!!

Marco kitteh

2009-05-12T16:59:00.003-04:00

When I first got Marco I swore that this would not be a cat blog, and I think I've lived up to my word. However, I think I wil take a few minutes to gush about my kitty. I still don't know why anyone would have surrendered him to the shelter. He's such a good kitty. He uses his litter box, he's good about not scratching on things that aren't his to scratch on. Was he too much money? He's such an awesome cat...I come home and he runs over to get a few minutes of love and attention, and then he's off to do his own thing - play, nap, pester the other kittehs. Sometimes in the evenings he does go into cuddle monster mode and he wants to be held and petted and loved. Last night I was trying to fold laundry and he just wanted to be held and given attention. God I love that little guy.

I will say, I can see where the phrase "curiosity killed the cat" came from. Downstairs in the basement there's a room that has the water heater and hvac stuff. The room hasn't been finished...it has concrete walls and you can see the framework by the entrance to that room. I've found Marco up there snooping around. He'll come out covered in dust and cobwebs. My only worry is that there's somewhere up there where he can get stuck and I won't be able to get him out.

Daring

2009-05-09T22:06:00.002-04:00

So next month at this time I'll be on vacation in the Florida Keys. I have a bathing suit, a tankini, but the bottom is too big. Here's my plan....I'm going to buy a plain black bottom because the top still fits. And for a second suit to have, I am going to buy a bikini. Yep, my chubby little self is going for a 2 piece that's gonna gonna show some belly. Now I totally admit that I've got a tummy, I have no problem in saying that. (But so help me God if you do, we're fighting bitches!) I think I'll be able to find something cute. I haven't worn a bikini since high school. Gotta admit, a little self-conscience. But I'll be ok, right?

Too NIce

2009-05-03T22:43:00.002-04:00

Is there such a thing as being too nice? My roommies have said lately that I'm too nice. Is there such a thing? Is it a bad thing? If we're all hanging out in the basement and I want a drink, why not offer to get others something? I'm already going that way, why not offer? I think it just boils down to the whole idea of do unto others...I'd like for someone else to offer to get me a drink if they're going that 3way. And that's not to imply that they aren't doing that...they do, I was just using the drink situation as an example. I even took the "What Marvel hero or villan are you?" and I ended up with do-gooder Spiderman.

Fed Up

2009-04-28T13:19:00.001-04:00

Isn't allergy season over yet? UGH I am so tired of feeling lousy. I will say this year has been far better than years past, and I'm thinking it's the lack of tonsils that have helped. Usually by this time I'm on a round of antibiotics because the tonsils had decided to get all nasty and infected. So yes, this year is better, but I want great! I get all excited for the weekends to roll around and I end up wasting a lot of it or unable to go outside and enjoy it.

Friday night was ruined, but that was my own lack of thinking. I got home from a great day of work and decided to partake in an adult beverage. A little bit later I was feeling miserable from itchy eyes and a snotty nose so I decided to pop a Benedryl. Now, back when I had my nice little rash the Benedryl did nothing...didn't really help with the rash and also didn't make me tired. Benedryl makes everyone tired! Yeah, it makes everyone tired if you have that and a beer. I was having a hard time keeping my eyes open sitting on the couch, so GuyRoommate recommended I go lay down and rest. He told me to go lay in his bedroom as we had a handyman working in mine to install a ceiling fan. I laid down around 6:30, and he woke me from a dead sleep at 9:00. I spent the next few hours wandering around dazed and confused. Saturday and Sunday, more sneezing, sore throat, itchy eyes.

Last night we decided to move our tomato plant off of the desk and hang it from a shepherd's hook in the backyard. I made it for a few minutes before the sneezing started. I could hardly walk straight I was sneezing so much. When we got back in the house the roommies were contemplating dinner, but I was off for a shower. Ugh...I want to be able to play outside and not have the snot running. Benedryl minus beer doesn't help, Zyrtec doesn't help, last time I tried Claratin it was no good.

Three's A Crowd

2009-04-22T23:24:00.003-04:00

So the roommates want to go on vacation, and they've said that other people are welcome to go. GuyRoommate even said he thought it would be a good idea if I went, I've been pretty stressed about work, and a break would be a good thing. I just don't think I want to go. Wait, that's not exactly it...I do want to go on vacation, but there's a reason I don't want to go. If it's the two of them, then I'm the third. They've talked about inviting other people, but it's another couple, so I'd be number 5. Yet again, odd man out. Most times being single doesn't bother me, but at times like this is kind of does. GuyRoommate has said repeatedly it wouldn't bother them to have me there, I'm just a part of the group, not an extra, but I feel self-conscience about it. Sometimes if it's the 3 of us out to dinner the waitstaff asks how to divide up the check. "Oh, so it's you two together and you all alone, by yourself?" What makes it even worse, I don't even feel like I have a friend that I could invite. Booo!

Staying Connected

2009-04-22T09:38:00.000-04:00

So my cousin and I were talking on the phone last night, and it's the first time we've talked since my Wii's been hooked up and online since I moved. We exchanged Wii codes, and then we also exchanged Mario Kart codes. After talking for awhile we got onto the topic of her new Blackberry and I gave her my PIN so we could chat on Blackberry Messenger. Then I got to thinking....we talk on the phone. We next each other. We can chat on AIM or Blackberry Messenger. We can play the Wii together and send messages there. We follow each other on Facebook and Twitter. Every now and then we email each other. Really!? At least if I can't get in touch with her it won't be for a lack of trying!

Soccer's tonight...I'm excited. Things are a lot more fun with another girl out there. My fat ass doesn't need to be dropping dead. I am trying to be more active other nights...BGF and I jogged together a little bit, but we don't' work well together. Going uphill we were ok, motivating one another (translation: didn't want to quit before the other one), but once we hit flat land it's awful. He has to slow himself down to an uncomfortable pace to meet my short strides and I'm pushing too hard to catch up to his long ones. Maybe GirlRoommate will want to go out with me. We don't have to jog, but having someone with you is nice. I did like jogging with BGF, it just seems our size difference is too much to overcome.

Slacker

2009-04-19T21:19:00.002-04:00

I admit I've been totally slack about posting on here lately. I think the biggest reason is the lack of an internet connection. Since I moved my computer has not been connected to the internet. It's a 3 story home and our cable modem is downstairs in the basement and my pc is on the top floor in my bedroom. The pc I'm on now is hooked wirelessly to the router, but it's the only pc with a connection. That's not entirely true...my old work pc is connected, but it's my old work pc because the system board is going whacky and the machine keeps locking up. I have a new one at work, and my old one is going to be surplused once I get all the data off of it that I want to keep. In two weeks the house will be wired, so maybe I'll be better at my posting.

With all of that being said, you'd think I had something really exciting to tell you about. Nope...nothing special. Soccer's been a lot of fun. This season is going so much better for us than last season did...I think we're really coming together as a team. Work is work, whatever....um, that's kind of it.

Say Again?

2009-04-15T23:18:00.002-04:00

After my soccer game I was in the shower listening to my shower radio when Tom Petty & the Heartbreakers "The Waiting" came on. My brain must not have been fully functional, because at one point I thought he was singing, "the way it is is the hardest part..." Um, Kim...the song is called "The Waiting", not "The Way It Is", hello! I think my made up line of lyrics did hit home though with the way things have been at work lately. It's just been one of those times where, it is what is is, suck it up and deal with it. And I just hate that that's the answer. Yes, change is a bitch and a lot of people don't like it (such as myself!!), and it's going to take some work, but it's for the greater good. In the end it will pay off. The pros will outweigh the cons. I don't understand why we just have to settle! Isn't that part of the problem with society? We're just letting assholes be assholes, we're settling for mediocre results. NO! Unacceptable. I will bitch my way to change. Or to getting fired, one of the two.

Walking At Lunch

2009-04-07T16:03:00.002-04:00

I really like it when the weather's nicer. Here's the route I took on my lunchbreak today. It ended up being just a touch over 2.5 miles. I even saw the little brew pub in Boylan Heights, the Boylan Bridge Brew Pub. I hear it's a really nice place to sit and relax and drink a beer. Oo, tomorrow's looking like a nice day, too. I see another lunchtime walk in my future!

Vacation Is Good

2009-03-31T17:02:00.001-04:00

Yesterday I was saying how living at the new place doesn't feel like home yet - that I feel like I'm staying somewhere on vacation. I guess that's really been on my mind because I dreamt about that last night, but that vacation wasn't feeling so relaxing. OldRoommate was there, which makes sense kinda because I saw him recently, and that was the first time in quite a long time. We haven't spoken much recently, and in my dream I was desperate to talk him. My vacation was nearly over when I heard his sister was in some type of accident and the hospital needed to get in touch with him. I tried putting an immediate end to my vacation so that I could help find him, but it was suddenly like the people that I was staying with were holding me prisoner. I begged and pleaded to be let go, not for me but for OldRoommate and his sister. Another stupid dream that resulted in me waking up stressed and upset. Silly brain…go to sleep and relax!

Home Sweet Not Home

2009-03-30T22:57:00.002-04:00

So I've been living in the new place for a little more than a week now. It doesn't feel like home yet. It’s not that there’s anything wrong with the new place, or that there are any problems with my roommates, it’s just that I’m not settled yet. GirlRoommate and I were watching a movie the other night, and I told her I felt like I was on vacation. I feel that way a lot. I’m still unpacking and trying to find a place for everything, so I don’t yet have a routine with my usual stuff. That’s what makes me feel like I’m on vacation. You know what I mean…you have fewer things, the more important ones, and you get along just fine, but you don’t have those extra items that are nice but not required. I’m not upset or anything, just still working on finding my groove. I suppose it would help if I made a larger effort to unpack. I admit I’m going slowly, but there’s really no need to rush, I don’t plan on going anywhere anytime soon.

In other news, I talked to my grandmother yesterday. She’ll be going to my aunt & uncle’s house for Easter. She’s going to look at a nursing home while she’s there. I’m thinking it’s probably more of an independent living facility – Grandma doesn’t need any medical care right now. She’s having a harder time doing all of the stuff my grandfather did, like paying the bills, taking out the trash, things like that. She’s not happy living by herself. She didn’t seem upset on the phone, more just matter-of-fact about it all. We also talked about how much junk we’ve accumulated over the years. She’s working on cleaning out her house, getting rid of things like my grandfather’s clothes, other things she won’t use. It’s not that I never thought this day would come; it’s just hard that it’s really here.

I need to get off my butt and also put my car up for sale. If you’re curious, it’s a 2005 Ford Escape and I’m asking $8500 for it. Last summer my grandfather bought a new car, and my mom and my aunt decided that they’d first try and sell it to someone in the family. For the most part, I have the oldest car – and it’s not even that old! My grandmother can’t use it, she doesn’t drive. Not that she doesn’t like to drive, she actually doesn’t know how to. She never learned to drive; Grandpa took her everywhere she needed to go. And now she relies on friends if she needs to go somewhere. Her birthday was this past weekend. I hate that I missed it. I won’t see her again until the beginning of May, when we have a little service for my grandfather.

Throwing Marshmellows

2009-03-27T15:40:00.001-04:00

WOW was I PISSED this morning. Folks, please remember if you are in need of technical support, be kind to your technician (because that's always nice) and give them all of the necessary information (very important!). If you do that, then I won't have to deal with your supervisor being a bitch to me. Yay! Oh man was I hot mad this morning. I got a call from a user that had no network connectivity. After checking a few things I informed her that an onsite technician would have to resolve her problem. She quickly put me on hold, saying I'd have to tell her supervisor, and that's when the problems started.

Supervisor gets on the phone yelling that the onsite technician does not need to come out, but our Networking Squad needed to look at the issue. I said that was true if there were multiple machines with an issue, but not if there's only 1. Come to find out there were multiple machines, which was not what the original caller reported. Supervisor snapped at me, wanting me name. Oh really, yeah, you can have my name AND I'll spell it for you if need be. She asked me if I was new (nope, even helped you before) and proceeded to compare me to a person who previously held my position. That was not very nice, and everyone that I told about it was shocked at how evil Supervisor was to make that comparison. Even that employee found it shocking, he says I'm sweet as pie. Finally I had enough. I asked if I could hang up and report the problem, she said sure, she was calling my boss. My reply: "Great! Buh-bye!"

The best thing about this? While I was also in the wrong for being a bitch to the caller, Boss had my back. Awesome!!

I Hurt

2009-03-23T21:36:00.003-04:00

I took Friday off of work to start moving my stuff. I worked the entire workday by myself, moving boxes and small items down the stairs at my apartment complex and the either up or down a flight of stairs at the new place. Holy crap is my body tired!! My bar of soap slid off the soap holder in the shower this morning, and when I bent over to pick it up even the muscles in my ass were sore! I didn't know I had muscles there! It would be nice if all of that stair stepping resulted in me having an ass.

My new bedroom is an absolute disaster. At my old apartment my bed was on a broken bedframe, so when I moved I thought, why move it? Right now I'm doing the college thing of having my mattress and boxspring on the floor. No big deal, except that under-the-bed boxes can't really fit under the bed.

Fortunately the new place is very large, and we have a spare bedroom, which I have taken over. Right now it's the containment area for all of the stuff I have that I hae absolutely know idea where to put. A lot of it is stuff that wasn't in my bedroom at my apartment, so I don't really plan on having it in my bedroom now. I'll find a spot for it all, but not tonight. I haven't done anything...I kid you not when I say I hurt. I was walking down the stairs in the parking garage this morning and I seriously think my legs said, "F- you!" I have soccer on Wednesday, I can't be too tired!

Speaking of soccer, 3-0! Aw yeah!!!

Bad!

2009-03-10T13:57:00.001-04:00

I've been cleaning up my apartment a lot lately, getting rid of things I don't need. I came across a piece of paper from two years ago. At that time I was pretty much at the heaviest weight I have ever been. The paper was dated January 7, 2007 and at the time I weighed 151 pounds. I also measured around my hips and waist. Having to see those numbers on a piece of paper was pretty difficult. A few months later I joined Weight Watchers. Last year in January I came across that same piece of paper, so I decided to bust out the scale and tape measure. At that weigh-in I was down to 123 pounds (HELL YEAH!!) and both my hips and waist were down 3-4 inches. I remember being so proud of myself that day.

Fast foward to last night...I came across the same sheet of paper again, but this time I couldn't do it. I didn't want to get on the scale or find the tape. I've gained a little weight lately (maybe a good 5 pounds or so), and I know I'm finding myself making bad decisions again. And food is starting to make me feel guilty. Maybe that's a good thing. I chomp down a bunch of oreos and the satisfaction doesn't stay around long.

I need to get back on track with my good habits. Especially with soccer and warmer weather coming back, there's no excuse for me not to be active. I just feel like I'm so damn busy. Yeah, I know that's no excuse, we all are. Part of my problem I know is preparing to move. I'm giving up my independence to pick up some roommates. Right now the toughest thing is deciding what to bring with me, what to keep for later, and what I really don't need at all. I look around my apartment and feel so overwhelmed by it all. Moving sucks.

Made Me Laugh

2009-02-27T16:01:00.000-05:00

A conversation at work today:

BGF: you're funny when you're angry
Me: funny?
BGF: cute
Me: cute?! haha I'm trying to be angry
BGF: yea, good luck with that
like a leprechaun getting angry
oh no, little green guy coming after me
here come the marshmallows
Me: hahahah that's got me laughing
and makes me mad
Me: guess I’m not threatening
BGF: too small

Wedding Bells

2009-02-24T23:39:00.002-05:00

I meant to share this earlier, but I had a hard time tracking down the picture. This was taken on my grandparents' wedding day. I'm not sure of how long, but I pretty sure it was more than 60 years together....I'd have to marry someone today and live until I'm 90!

I'll Complain

2009-02-23T23:12:00.001-05:00

I have to be honest, my life is pretty drama-free. Sure, I complain about stuff, but things really aren't bad. I gripe about work, who doesn't, but more important things are fine. I have my health, I might not be rich but ends meet with a tad extra. Good friends, good times, I don't have anything big to complain about. So I will bitch about the little things - such as lunch at work.

I try bring my lunch most days. I feel that I eat foods that are better for me, and heck, it's cheaper! One of my cubemates is more like me, mostly brings her lunch but will go out on occasion. The other eats out pretty much every day. That I don't care about. What drives me nuts is the discussion starting at 9:30 and lasting until at least 11:30 every day on what to eat, who's going, when? Blah blah blah. It always seems like such a hassle. That's actually another reason I don't go. No one can agree on anything! Also, it seems like it's never just a little group. One minute it's 2-4 people, the next minute it's 7 plus we're meeting 3 more. That big of a group can't eat in a reasonable amount of time!

Even when I stay behind in the office things don't turn out well. If I'm sitting, facing my pc with headphones on, do you really think I want to talk to you!? NO! Leave me alone! Yeah, like I said, nothing really important to complain about, but I will!

Also, on a completely unrelated note, I found this article interesting...

LOL

2009-02-23T10:31:00.001-05:00

Overheard at work: "I work like we get paid around here - once a month and very little!"

Been Busy

2009-02-20T16:12:00.002-05:00

Nah, I haven't really. Just more on the lazy side. Well, yesterday was a big day for me...the big 30th birthday. I keep saying that I don't mind 30 at all, but I do mind the gray hair! Quick! Someone grab some color and let's clean this up!

I didn't get into anything too crazy, went out with some AWESOME FRIENDS to Oxford in downtown. Eh, the place itself was ok. The beer was good, but I mean really, can you screw up beer? Find glass, pull tap. My prime rib dinner was ok. Just ok. Sigh, and I love some prime rib! But I truly did have a great time hanging out with BagelDave and other friends from Old Job. I miss seeing those guys on a daily basis. Nope, don't miss the job one bit, but those guys are so awesome! We were even talking about a Cinco de Mayo party we had last year at a friend's place, and we suggested he have a St. Patty's party at his house. He looked at us, shrugged, and said sure! Excellent!

Let's see, this upcoming Wednesday is playoff night for indoor soccer. Most of us have already agreed to play again next season. This past Wednesday didn't go so well...we did lose. One of my teammates even got shoved by a chick! (Did you hear about that? I saw her shove him and he laughed. And I laughed. HAHA!) The guys did compliment me that I've gotten significantly better since game one. I think so too. I'm a lot less nervous!

Don't Call It a Comeback!

2009-02-12T17:02:00.000-05:00

Aw yeah! Win #2 last night in indoor soccer!! I think I had a pretty decent game. BGF has been giving me a hard time all along, be more aggressive! He joked that he was going to torture my cat in front of me, or treat me like the onion in that Burger King commercial. BGF and another friend of ours even took to calling me "Angry Onion". I guess last night I finally listened - right near the end of the game I was trying to move the ball up the field, but I was stuck along the wall. The guy defending against me pretty much had me pinned to the wall, but I kept fighting and pushing my way and eventually moved the ball up the field. Yay me!! After the game BGF complimented me on my good work, saying that there was still a problem though. Now that I've shown I can play like that, I'll be expected to do it all the time!

In other fun news, I think my cat is retarded. I was chatting online with a friend last night when I realized I hadn't scooped his litter box. I walked over to it, detached the top, and scooped out the poo. Then I walked back over to my pc and chatted for a minute. As I was doing that, Marco hopped in his litter box and I figured he was going to, you know, use it! Nope, I glance over after a few minutes and he's laying down in the little box, chilling!

Hold Still!!!

2009-02-09T22:58:00.002-05:00

One day Marco walked by me, and I noticed a little white thing stuck in the fur of his tail. I figured it was a fuzzy, brushed my hand over his tail and then went about my business. The next day I noticed another little white thing in the fur of his hind leg. Weird, but oh well...until he strolled by another day and I happened to notice another little white thing, almost like a grain of rice, on his little butt. EW! And you can't help but noticed the cat's ass, poor little guy was shaved when he was neutered, and we're still waiting on fur to grow back.

I called the vet today and explained what I saw, and she confirmed what I had thought - my kitty has worms. Or a worm. A tape worm. No big deal, they prescribed a pill and with the one dose it should be cleared up. Thank God it was one pill...getting him to take it was not an easy task! I called BGF's wife and asked for advice. I explained the pill was the size of a person's Tylenol. She said to bring the cat and the pill over and they would help.

I had already cut the pill in half, but they cut it into smaller pieces. I held Marco and had his head in one hand and his body and hind legs in the other. BGF held his front paws and opened his mouth, and BGF's wife dropped in the pill. We had to hold his mouth shut and massaged his throat trying to get him to swallow. Damn kitty, you are stubborn! We did a few more tries like that, even wrapping the pill in a tiny bit of bologna. He started kicking a lot, and BGF's wife suggested we wrap him in a blanket before he scratched me.

Next we wrapped him up like a little burrito. I'll have to get her camera - I hope the pics show how pissed he was. Me, I was the good mom, laughing at him the whole time. He was so angry his ears just flattened out. HAHA! Sorry Marco, it wasn't funny. We got a few more tiny pieces down. Finally we crushed up the rest and mixed it with some canned tuna. I figure he ate more than 3/4 of the pill. That should be good, right?

Kitty

2009-02-08T20:59:00.001-05:00

And for those in need of something to make them smile:

More Untitled

2009-02-08T20:47:00.002-05:00

Last night I said I hoped that my grandfather wouldn't suffer long, but I had no idea things would end so quickly. I should have known better, he's a very determined man. He passed away earlier this afternoon. My cousin Chuck told me, and we chatted for a few minutes, both with calm voices. And then my mom called. I said hello, she said my name, and I told her I knew. Then she told me she'd talk to me later. I think that's what hurts the most right now, hearing her hurting. Of course that's not to say I'm not sad, I'm just.....

Untitled

2009-02-08T00:09:00.002-05:00

For most of the past month my mother's been up in Massachusetts to see my grandfather. Shortly after Christmas he fell ill and ended up in the hospital. It was a rough month for him, surgeries, infections, but last weekend things were looking good. He was moved from the hospital to a rehabilitation facility where he'd take part in physical therapy. Wednesday was the last day my mom saw him before she left to come home. He was doing great...the Grandpa he's always been, the one I know and love.

Today I called my mom just to chat, and she was pretty short with me. I knew the house was kind of a wreck, so I had assumed she was just mad at my dad making her come home to a mess. Then, during a quiet moment in conversation she blurted out she was going back in the near future. Turns out Grandpa has congestive heart failure. His lungs have been filling up with fluid. He's been on dialysis for the last few years, but he's decided to refuse further treatment. He says he's tired and in pain, and doesn't want to deal with it any more. He told my aunt this, and she asked him if he knew what would happen, and he said he understood. He doesn't want anyone to be mad at him for his decision, but it's what he wants.

I can't say I'd want anything different if I were in his shoes. Is it wrong of me to say I hope the end comes quickly? I can't stand the thought of him having to suffer more. He doesn't deserve that. For as much as it pains me to think of us without him, I can't bear the thought of him miserable and hurting in some hospital bed.

Grandpa, I love you, and I'll certainly miss you. No one could ever be mad at you for your decision. Don't worry about Grandma, she'll be taken care of. Do what's best for you.

And It Feels So Good

2009-02-04T23:59:00.002-05:00

It does, it really really does! Tonight we got our first win in indoor soccer! And I think I played my best game ever. I did have a pretty sweet shot on goal, damn that goalie for stopping it! I also saved a goal - the ball drilled me in my left thigh, and dammit it hurt! And everyone knew it, because yes I did yell out! It did make me feel pretty good that BGF said it was a goal-saving play, he didn't think he would have stopped it had I not been there. Yay!! Things did seems tense at a few times. Our goalie was sidelined because he earned a two-minute penalty and we had to play a man down. I didn't know that was a rule. Poor BGF, refs always hate him haha! The only thing that would have made the game any better is if my fat ass didn't have to play the entire game. A girl gets tired out there!

Disappointed

2009-01-28T23:35:00.002-05:00

Well, tonight was another game in the loss column, and it was such a disappointing loss...my teammates fucking rock. The teamwork and level of play out there tonight was awesome, and yet they don't get rewarded with a win. Me, yeah I still suck but I'm okay wit that. Even BGF played, which was a total surprise to me. Within the last 5 months he's had surgery to repair a torn acl and a torn rotator cuff. He was looking pretty good in goal. My leg's doing ok...I just need to get off my ass and do more so that when Wednesdays roll around and I'm trying to run on it I'm not being a whiner.

What A Waste

2009-01-28T14:32:00.002-05:00

I just saw this article from the Today Show. Really? $155,000 to clone a dog? What a freaking waste. Don't get me wrong, I've had some pets I love immensely. Marco has already won me over, and I get teary-eyed at the thought of anything bad ever happening to Sable. But there is no freaking way I'd spend that much money on copying my pet. The experiences that I've had with Sable and Marco is what makes me love them. And I see those experiences as being unique to each animal. Plus, all of that money that was spent...$155,000 - there is so much more that could be done with that money! How many animals could have been helped? Sigh, I just think spending all that money to clone an animal is foolish.

Hello

2009-01-25T22:41:00.002-05:00

Not much going on here. I'm kinda tired tonight. I usually fall asleep with my tv on, and I set the tv's sleep timer so it doesn't stay on all night. Yeah...it didn't work so well last night. I fell asleep with the tv on, like normal, and when I woke up later it was still on. I had set the sleep timer for 40 minutes, and I was surprised that I fell so quickly and so heavily into sleep. Oh well, I rolled over and went back to sleep. I woke up again later, and the tv was still on! I was thinking that was the longest 40 minutes ever, but whatever. Later on I woke up again (grr...) and the tv was on, but it was black, and said "Game" in the upper corner. Weird - the tv was set to a different source. Did the kitty setup on the remote? But I was so tired from all the waking up I didn't care, I rolled over and went back to sleep. Later on I woke up to voices...the tv was back on cable! By that time I was pretty freaking annoyed, so I got out of bed, turned the tv off, and turned to walk to the bathroom. And then the tv was back on. Doh! I must not have hit the power button, oops! So I turned the tv off and turned again to go to the bathroom, and suddenly the tv was back on! WTF?! I tried two more times to turn that damned tv off, but it kept turning back on. The only thing I could guess was that buttons on the remote were mashed in. Finally I was so annoyed I unplugged the tv, made my pit stop in the bathroom, and then climbed back in bed and went to sleep. Later, when I decided it was finally time to get up, I told myself to find the remote. But there it was, on my night stand with my cellphone on top of it, just like I left it when I went to sleep. Yeah, I have no idea.

Slacker

2009-01-21T22:54:00.003-05:00

So I have some big news, and one would think that I'd make an effort to update this thing. Guess who's a mommy!? It's me it's me!! On Sunday I became the proud new mommy of Marco. Isn't he a cutie? I got him from the Wake County SPCA on Sunday. I tell people I didn't pick him, he picked me. I was petting a kitty near him and he kind of swatted at me, so I bent over and scratched him for a sec, and then moved on. He decided to get out of his bed, walk over to me, and put his paws up on my arm, and try and pull himself up. I picked him up and knew at that moment he was the kitty for me! He was purring and nuzzling with me, and my heart just melted.

I decided to name him Marco after Marco Polo. His name was originally Cary, but yeah...no. When I got him I actually ended up going to BGF's house, where there are 3 cats. As soon as we opened the kitty carrier he was out and about, exploring everywhere, and certainly not afraid of those 3 bitchy kitties hissing at him. Poor girls, didn't know what to do with a man in the house! He was all over the place, looking around, checking things out, so I knew he should be named after an explorer, and Marco was the name he responded to when I called it out at him. I promise I will do my best not to turn this into a cat blog, but please give me some time. I've got the new parent excitement/anxiety going!